THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF SOFTWARE YOU'LL EVER INSTALL ON YOUR COMPUTER

[spatch]

And boy howdy do I mean it!

It's the TERRAH ALERT!!!1 MONITOR

Just check out these features:

• Keeps you up to date and informed
  Checks with the Department of Homeland Security to determine when the color-coded TERRAH ALERT!!!1 status is changed.
• Resides on your desktop
  A small window with a small footprint, but it does it's job to keep you informed.
• Selectable update period
  You may set the automatic update time anywhere from once daily to every fifteen minutes.
• Notification sound effects
  The Automatic TERRAH ALERT!!!11 Monitor notifies you with am alert sound when the national TERRAH ALERT!!!!1!!! level is raised or lowered.
• Proxy server enabledFor users behind firewalls, there are configuration settings to use a proxy server to access updates.

Only runs on Windows 98/2000/ME/XP!

Win95, Macintosh and Linux users, you're screwed!! See you after the dirty bomb fallout, suckers!

NOTE: The name of the TERRAH ALERET!!!2! monitor may have been changed by Mr. D. Spatchel, Esq for purposes of humorous exaggeration.