LISA NOWAK GOES TO WAL-MART
By R. Noyes, age 32
INT. WAL-MART CHECKOUT COUNTER - DAY
(LISA NOWAK dumps the contents of her shopping basket on the checkout conveyor belt in front of the BORED TEENAGED CASHIER.)
TEENAGED CASHIER
(mumbling to himself as he scans each item)
Lessee... one wig... paira sunglasses... pepper spray... trench coat... steel mallet... 4-foot length of rubber tubing... Camper's Choice 4-inch folding knife... Lil' Oswald BB pistol... box of 30-gallon garbage bags... and one pack of Depends.
(The TEENAGED CASHIER finishes the order, looks over the items, and then stares dully at LISA NOWAK. There is an AWKWARD PAUSE.)
LISA NOWAK
(nervously glancing around)
Is there something wrong?
(The TEENAGED CASHIER sighs.)
LISA NOWAK
What?!
TEENAGED CASHIER
(perfunctorily)
Would-you-like-to-make-a-$1-donation-to-the-Helping-Hearts-Children's-Fund?
LISA NOWAK
(quickly)
No! No.
TEENAGED CASHIER
Then the total is $389.32.
(LISA NOWAK hands TEENAGED CASHIER a credit card. TEENAGED CASHIER stares dully at the credit card, then back at LISA NOWAK. There is another AWKWARD PAUSE as his eyes meet hers.)
LISA NOWAK
Oh god, now what?!
(The TEENAGED CASHIER sighs again.)
TEENAGED CASHIER
Credit or debit?
LISA NOWAK
Debit.
fin
By R. Noyes, age 32
INT. WAL-MART CHECKOUT COUNTER - DAY
(LISA NOWAK dumps the contents of her shopping basket on the checkout conveyor belt in front of the BORED TEENAGED CASHIER.)
TEENAGED CASHIER
(mumbling to himself as he scans each item)
Lessee... one wig... paira sunglasses... pepper spray... trench coat... steel mallet... 4-foot length of rubber tubing... Camper's Choice 4-inch folding knife... Lil' Oswald BB pistol... box of 30-gallon garbage bags... and one pack of Depends.
(The TEENAGED CASHIER finishes the order, looks over the items, and then stares dully at LISA NOWAK. There is an AWKWARD PAUSE.)
LISA NOWAK
(nervously glancing around)
Is there something wrong?
(The TEENAGED CASHIER sighs.)
LISA NOWAK
What?!
TEENAGED CASHIER
(perfunctorily)
Would-you-like-to-make-a-$1-donation-to-the-Helping-Hearts-Children's-Fund?
LISA NOWAK
(quickly)
No! No.
TEENAGED CASHIER
Then the total is $389.32.
(LISA NOWAK hands TEENAGED CASHIER a credit card. TEENAGED CASHIER stares dully at the credit card, then back at LISA NOWAK. There is another AWKWARD PAUSE as his eyes meet hers.)
LISA NOWAK
Oh god, now what?!
(The TEENAGED CASHIER sighs again.)
TEENAGED CASHIER
Credit or debit?
LISA NOWAK
Debit.
fin
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