Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff

[spatch]

LISA NOWAK GOES TO WAL-MART
By R. Noyes, age 32

INT. WAL-MART CHECKOUT COUNTER - DAY

(LISA NOWAK dumps the contents of her shopping basket on the checkout conveyor belt in front of the BORED TEENAGED CASHIER.)

TEENAGED CASHIER
(mumbling to himself as he scans each item)
Lessee... one wig... paira sunglasses... pepper spray... trench coat... steel mallet... 4-foot length of rubber tubing... Camper's Choice 4-inch folding knife... Lil' Oswald BB pistol... box of 30-gallon garbage bags... and one pack of Depends.

(The TEENAGED CASHIER finishes the order, looks over the items, and then stares dully at LISA NOWAK. There is an AWKWARD PAUSE.)

LISA NOWAK
(nervously glancing around)
Is there something wrong?

(The TEENAGED CASHIER sighs.)

LISA NOWAK
What?!

TEENAGED CASHIER
(perfunctorily)
Would-you-like-to-make-a-$1-donation-to-the-Helping-Hearts-Children's-Fund?

LISA NOWAK
(quickly)
No! No.

TEENAGED CASHIER
Then the total is $389.32.

(LISA NOWAK hands TEENAGED CASHIER a credit card. TEENAGED CASHIER stares dully at the credit card, then back at LISA NOWAK. There is another AWKWARD PAUSE as his eyes meet hers.)

LISA NOWAK
Oh god, now what?!

(The TEENAGED CASHIER sighs again.)

TEENAGED CASHIER
Credit or debit?

LISA NOWAK
Debit.


fin

Comments

[archangelsk.livejournal.com]

In space, no one can hear the lulz!

[limax.livejournal.com]

I've never seen a bored teenaged cashier at walmart. They seem to work at target in my hometown.

[spatch]

I couldn't get Target to license this Official Parody, unfortunately, and the sassy sista cashier was on her break.

[limax.livejournal.com]

Yeah. That's basically what's at our walmart... or the arthritic grandma.

[triplehdm.livejournal.com]

Apparently, even astronauts are not rocket scientists.

[luckimunki.livejournal.com]

Most expensive WalMart ever.

[spatch]

Well, she was buying a BB gun and a trenchcoat...

[ilovehpl.livejournal.com]

And knives are really expensive.

[allicat42.livejournal.com]

Speaking of news... Seen THIS:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/07/prince.superbowl.ap/index.html

??????????

[spatch]

EVERYTHING LONG IS A PHALLIC SYMBOL
HIDE YOUR CHILDREN('S EYES)
GOOD LORD DON'T TAKE 'EM TO WASHINGTON DC

[minkrose]

The Rolling Stone response is great. "I think it was one of those things because a guitar at waist level does look like an enormous phallus." And it does! which is exactly why teenage boys want to play one and any male will look a good fifteen percent (or more) sexier with a guitar in his hands (yes, I'm biased).

You have to really be looking for smut to find it, in this case. I spent the halftime show enjoying the music, thinking about how the rain was probably damaging the equipment and hoping no one would get electrocuted.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

My thoughts on that bit:

"Well! A double wang in silhouette! Duh, it's Prince."

[mrscake.livejournal.com]

Hahaha ... brilliant.

[ron_newman]

so how long do you think this page will remain?

Global lottery as a chance to raise capital

[(Anonymous)]

[url=http://lotto.110mb.com] LOTTO [/url] - We give you an opportunity to active and immediate
participation in the largest lottery games on the worldwide, providing you the chance to win
millions of dollars. All transactions are carried out through your credit card. You pay only
for rates, which you do, without any deposits or advance payments. Who is not in danger,
he did not win
Good luck

Re: Global lottery as a chance to raise capital

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Dude! Active and immediate participation! Sign me UP, bitches.

I used to be a bored teenaged cashier at WalMart. I never got to check out anyone as interesting as that, though. :(

Re: Global lottery as a chance to raise capital

[spatch]

"Who is not in danger, he did not win" is an absolutely lovely corrupted translation of "He who dares, wins."

I DARE! HERE IS MY CREDIT CARD #. LET THE RICHES COME FLOWING FORTH!