sunday sweaty sunday

[spatch]

This place is a goddamn sweatbox. I don't know what it is about today but good lord I've got all the windows open and the door and the fan's blowing on Gale setting and maybe just maybe there's a crossbreeze that comes through if I'm lucky. I haven't been lucky so far. I've been trying to write but my god it's hot. I sit and the sweat just keeps dripping down and I go "Whoof!" a lot like a fat juror in a Southern courtroom drama.

Speaking of southern writing, if I read the Faulkner "killing your darlings" quote one more time in an instructional setting, I'm going to scream.

I'd go out but I'm just plain exhausted, I'm drinking water like there's no tomorrow and I really shouldn't be spending more money anyway. Unless I spend it on groceries. Now there's an idea. The only problem is that it involves incredible feats of physical exertion, such as movement.

I moved around enough yesterday, honest. I went out to Funtown yesterday with Jo and Michael and was very pleased to see Excalibur running well for its age -- yeah, six years old isn't too long for a coaster but I've seen other coasters fall apart much quicker. Sure, the indi lapbars on the PTC train are now mismatched, but the ride's still a lot of fun. Jo put her hands up for the first time on a roller coaster and seemed to greatly enjoy the experience. She bought the picture and everything.

We went out for dinner at The Great Lost Bear in Portland, which quickly became one of my favorite bars. Fifty-something taps of regional microbrews and a great menu. Their french onion soup was how all french onion soup should be made worldwide, with an overabundance of cheese and bread croutons underneath and a delicious as all hell broth. I could have had three bowls and said to hell with the rest, but I didn't.

I got the "Mother & Child Reunion" sandwich which, while not the Chinese dish that inspired Rhymin' Simon, was a fried chicken fillet with a fried egg on top and there was melted cheese and I think bacon. My heart thumped hard a few times in abhorrent protest, then said "Oh what the hell, he'd only have spent those minutes he just lost screwing around anyway" and settled back down. Jo thumped me after I admitted the only reason I ordered the sandwich was because she thought it was a repugnant idea. Later, she pulled a knife on me out in the parking lot. That part is entirely true. What's also true is that I'd go back to the Great Lost Bear any time. It's the kind of place you'd actually move cities for.

This morning I wake up and, blessedly knife-wound free, discover that ol' Fark has discovered Cat Town. Now I'm not a regular Fark reader and I know that I orbit in certain social circles what absolutely detest the site, but I've tried to stay neutral on the topic as much as possible. Most of the people seem to be decent, God-fearing folk who enjoy a bit of nonsense or at least move along their merry way when they encounter it, but the place seems to have its fair share of, well, the Internet Stupid. Some of the bigger mental giants have deduced that I am a "ugly fat chick" who dresses my cats up like that to take their pictures, and have commented accordingly. How'd they decide that's who I was? They saw the picture of Rabs on the site. Oh god. I am so sorry, Rabs. I am so so so so so sorry. Oh jumping Jesus on a pogo stick while Mary and the saints stand around in a circle clapping in time.

I'm considering signing up for the stupid site just to say "HEY GREAT JOB GUYS, THANKS FOR BEING SO FUCKING DENSE YOU'D MAKE DANDY BRIDGE COUNTERWEIGHTS" but Beth said she's already posted in protest and other Farkers have hopped on the "dude, shut up, let's explain it to you in small words so you can understand" bandwagon and my phrase would get filtered to "FARKING DENSE" anyway. I guess it's just that where I come from, we don't suffer idiots lightly, and cast them off to the sea before they do any major damage.

So anyway. Thanks a lot for hurting a good friend, Anonymous Internet Males. I'm not sure how much superiority you're supposed to be able to muster up, posting on Fark and all, but may whatever remnants you get be dashed away in a horrible episode where your Internet girlfriend who loves anal turns out to be your mother, IMing you from upstairs. Now shut the hell up and go get me some Diet Coke, you drooling mongoloids.

Comments

[karyn.livejournal.com]

i can't believe they gave it the "sad" icon for the link :(

[tansu.livejournal.com]

The Internet has many STUPIDS. And many fucking arseholes, also.

[rabswom.livejournal.com]

well, after the weeping and such [sue me, it struck a rather sore nerve], when i got ahold of myself, i realized that it is a pretty crap photo of me.

still, they are, in fact, morons.

and thank you, cheez, for threatening them for me. i appreciate it. and, as i told you in PM, there's no need for apologies, rob. i love cat town and was thrilled to get to be in an episode.

[betweenstations.livejournal.com]

I saw that picture.
She is fat only in a world where MaryKatenAshley are a normal size.

I hate people. These guys are probably all 300+ pounds and haven't had dates since the last time they showered and ate vegetables back in 1998.

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

Rabs, I was so mad when I saw that I literally started shaking. What I posted was about a gajillionth of what I really wanted to say.

I've decided that I'm going to get you drunk and seduce you, just to make up for their cunt-flea-edness.

[subbes]

All good people hate Fark. But it's interesting to see that the "any woman over 98lbs is a hambeast" belief is not just held at SA, but at its younger, smellier enemy, too. Perhaps it's a general in-group out-group thing with internet forums.


[Yes, my custom title says I love it. I'd actually never read it until this link popped up. I think they could have found a more insulting title that was actually true.]

[subbes]

And by "all good people," I mean "those on the periphery of certain fora which Are Not Fark, and thus must cement their place as part of the in-group by denigrating the outgroup, thus reassuring themselves that they Belong." Internet sociology has the capacity to be rather good, if by rather good you mean "memetics with more jpgs."

[rabswom.livejournal.com]

thanks.

was already having The Summer of Self-Esteem Blows. this fits riiight in. :)

[fourcoffees.livejournal.com]

Thanks for making me read Fark for the first time. Now I know Slashdot is in fact the fucking PINNACLE of intelligence.

I feel dirty. Kill me.

[grumqa.livejournal.com]

I like the guy who thought it was like Jean Teasdale, only he thought it was Blaisdell or something. An impressive amount of point-missing seems to go into the commentary on that site.

[lentilstew.livejournal.com]

I didn't click the link because I'm pretty sure it'd make me sad on many levels. Rabs = lovely. CAT TOWN = lovely.

No internet forum can take that away... Those stupid ass jockeys.

[empire74.livejournal.com]

Man, I haven't been to Funtown in probably at least 8 years, probably closer to 10. *heh*

We ate dinner with a friend at the Great Lost Bear *looks* 11 days ago. *grins* It's been a favorite of mine for a long time. I've lost of count of all that I've consumed (both food and beverages) there, but the teriyaki mushroom appetizer is to die for.

The Great Lost Bear's existence is but one of many reasons why we'd like to move within a close radius of Portland when I finish school next year.

I never thought I'd want to go back to New England once I left. Boy, was I wrong. :) Glad you enjoyed it. I like hearing that others enjoy a place that holds such great memories for me.

[thufir-hawat.livejournal.com]

Shit, I didn't even think it was a crappy picture of her, and I don't know her.

Internet manners nonexistent, users try and beef up self image by slamming others. Film at 11.

[rabswom.livejournal.com]

thanks. :)

it's certainly not the best picture of me out there on the intarwebbe.

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

Fark? Never heard of it before tonight, and now I'm glad.

Great Lost Bear, on the other hand! Back in the day, they had the BEST radio ads--these surreal little plays involving Elvis having various adventures. In one series, I kid you not, they stuck him in the middle of Apocalypse Now. "Ah love the smell of nachos in the mornin'. It's the smell of VIC-treh. The smell of CHEESE!"

[ctartchick.livejournal.com]

Hey . . .I read Fark all the time, I'm a good people!

Sorry to have missed this til now, Spatch,hon, I've been out of town. My witty repartee on your behalf is perhaps not as witty as it might be, since I'm half asleep after all the driving I've been doing today. Nevertheless, it is there. Occasionally, my fellow Farkers indulge in a fit of supreme stupidity. Apparantly today was one of those days.

[omnifarious.livejournal.com]

It's the old Internet sport: "I'm so insecure that I have to make malicious fun of other people on the Internet, then cry 'But, it was a joke! Get over it already!' when they get angry at me. And, I can get away with it because I'm too far away for the injured party to come over and give me the broken limb I deserve.".

*sigh*

[befana.livejournal.com]

I think assuming they had a date with anything other than their non-dominant hand is giving too much credit!

[subbes]

Er, that was me; I forgot to sign the boyfriend out.

[moxie-fawn.livejournal.com]

Now, I am not surprised by any of this, as all great things (like CAT TOWN) have their own little group of jealous haters. It was bound to happen. Those of us who have senses of humour not hindered by the "desperate to always appear as cool and detached as possible" gene just know better, that's all. What DOES surprise me is that these kiddies at fark weren't already familiar with the cats in their costumes. HELLO?! God, those pictures have only been circulating like mad over the internet for SEVERAL MONTHS NOW. For a bunch of internet-savvy, hipper-than-thou types, they're awfully behind on this one, aren't they?

*snicker*

[moxie-fawn.livejournal.com]

months=years

whoops

[phonemonkey.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

Wankers. Wankers, wankers, wankers.

I really don't get why it's always the most pathetic insecure (generally inept and unpleasant-looking) males who pass the most critical judgement on women's faces and bodies. Perhaps it's that they spend all their time looking at porn and have never been actually naked with a real 3-D female.

Rabs is not mocked.

[sarcasma.livejournal.com]

OMG Fark makes me SO MAD SOMETIMES.

I continue to read it, because, interesting links (I mean, imagine I might have found Cat Town there!) but great good christ do I have to constantly remind myself not to click for comments. Every now and then an interesting discussion will ensue but for the most part it's people without enough reading comprehension to have understood the link, and more filled with hate than even I could ever top. Feh. bleargh. mrgle.

[slit.livejournal.com]

Shit, I didn't even think it was a crappy picture of her, and I don't know her.

That was my first thought, too.

I think Rabs is adorable

[tupelo.livejournal.com]

and not fat at all.

I know a Farker. He's a Mormon with five kids. His wife works and he sits at home all day on Fark, right-wing message boards and playing computer games. Don't let the bastards get you down.

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

[tupelo.livejournal.com]

(postscript after reading above comments)

Just as an interesting side note: Said Mormon is overweight and so is his wife, yet his first line of attack when dealing with a woman (in his case usually Rosie O'Donnell, Margaret Cho or another typical right-wing target) is her weight. Interesting how that works.

[betweenstations.livejournal.com]

I was giving them credit for going to the 5th grade school musical afterparty with the girl who sang the part of Martha Washington.

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

[rabswom.livejournal.com]

thanks. :)

also -- you have far too many references to middle eastern things in your 'interests' for me to not be deeply curious now [am getting my Master's in Middle Eastern Studies].

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

[tupelo.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm half Lebanese, and I wrote a (very unscholarly) book about it and my subsequent belly dancing non career. What's your interest in middle eastern studies, as in, how'd you get involved in it?

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

[rabswom.livejournal.com]

i took a class that looked interesting as an undergraduate and i got hooked. it sounds kind of random, i know. i had never had any middle eastern history before that, but after my first intro class i started studying arabic and spending as much time in the middle east as i could [ive lived in n. israel, palestine, and jordan and travelled also in egypt, syria, lebanon, and turkey].

after i graduated from college, i got a fulbright fellowship to study contemporary islamic mystical practice [as an observer, im not a muslim] with a shaykh in jordan. i spent a year there studying with the shaykh's students [he conducted lessons in both english and in arabic] and taking arabic classes at the university of jordan in amman. after that, i spent a couple of years living in d.c. where i worked for a small non-profit that did education and advocacy related to the israeli-palestinian conflict. and then i decided to go back to school for my master's. and here i am. started last week. :)

i took a belly dancing class when i lived in jordan! in this class, i learned that i have no inherent belly-dancing skillz. but it was fun. and amazing exercise! and now i have those little finger cymbal thingos. and they rock. :)

im curious about your 'unscholarly' book.

and now everyone knows way a lot about me. *waves* *feels self-conscious* [it's a personal history of the 'fat, ugly' chick as featured in tv's spatch's Cat Town! whee!]

[argentla.livejournal.com]

I have to give props to the guy who said "Holy Bob Villa! It's TV's Spatch!" though.

"Holy Bob Villa" indeed. Thank you, Burt Ward.

[pecosy.livejournal.com]

I pop by Fark on occasion but usually it's just to see the odd news. The comments are useless in their predictability: some people post mocking comments, some other people defend whatever was mocked, and it dissolves into a pissy-fit. Every. Damn. Time.

I once had a match.com date go on and on about how how he loved Fark and how impressed he was that I'd heard of it. There was no second date.

*hugs for rabs*

*beat-downs for assholes*

[spatch]

You do realize that with that invocation I can pinpoint exactly from where and when that fellow knew me, don't you?

And that's what I think is so cool about the Internet.

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

[spatch]

Well, according to the fine people who have contributed to this thread (whose opinions really count since everybody here is so brilliant and well-read) that was the personal history of the lovely, adorable, seducable chick as featured in tv's Spatch's Cat Town!

So there!

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

[rabswom.livejournal.com]

whee!

If I recall correctly,

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

There is an old Klingon proverb that goes something like: "Revenge is a dish best served in the next exciting episode of Cat Town."

[argentla.livejournal.com]

Yes, I imagined so.

This could be part of some fascinating thesis on the way personality and mood is expressed in text. And also the transmission of ideas. You could trace the spread of a particular expression or turn of phrase and watch how it propagates.

Hell, Spatch, you've started enough of these memes yourself. You do it.

Re: If I recall correctly,

[piemancer]

*evil laugh*

*schoolgirl giggle*

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

[tupelo.livejournal.com]

Wow, that is all fascinating! I envy your traveling and your language skills; sadly, I have never been to the middle east and can only curse and pray in Arabic.

My unscholarly book is "Snake Hips," and there is an excerpt at http://www.annesoffee.com.

On an unrelated note, my cousin is a Fulbright fellow too! I come from good stock.

[mcduff.livejournal.com]

I don't know nuthin' about no Fark.com, but that there Great Lost Bear place sounds like there's some good eatin' to be had.

So how's about we go there when I'm in Boston next month, eh Spatch?

[muffyjo]

I am thrilled that you got to go to the Great Lost Bear. And glad to have been able to share. And as for the knife thing...you know it was just to keep you on your toes (and to make you get into the car so I could have my way...). As for Fark...it seems I've been blessed never to have heard of them (although something tickles my memory deep and far away) and not to be at all familiar with their work or even to have wasted a thought on their antics. And for the record, I think I'll keep it that way. Blessed are the forgotten for they are...unnotable.

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

[rabswom.livejournal.com]

today i learned the arabic word for afro.

it was a good day.