Count to ten

Hey gang, let's play the latest and greatest fun-time super game of all time:
WHY WON'T SPATCH'S CAR START?
And now, here's the host of WHY WON'T SPATCH'S CAR START, Linda Wertheimer! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!


OH THANK YOU FOR THAT LOVELY INTRODUCTION AND WELCOME TO "WHY WON'T SPATCH'S CAR START", THE GAME SHOW WHERE OUR CELEBRITY PANEL AS WELL AS THE PLAYERS AT HOME TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY SPATCH'S CAR WON'T START.

( NOW I THINK YOU ALL KNOW THE RULES, SO LET'S START PLAYING! )

My car is dead.

Well, turns out the missing spark plug wires were the least of my problems. The car also needs a new distributor -- and the cost of replacing that far exceeds what I can currently afford.

So I am adjusting to a car-less existence at the moment. The car is parked out at the bottom of Craigie Street, all sad and lonely because it cannot be driven, and I am trying to figure out what the hell to do with it before Wednesday, which is when it needs to be moved to another location because of Fucking Street Cleaning. It appears that the poor thing will probably have to be towed 100 miles to my dad's driveway in Hatfield, because I can't seem to find anybody in Boston with an extra parking spot and no real need for it for ... quite some time, as I don't know when I'll be able to save up enough to fix the car and still afford rent and utilities and whatnot. And right now, hovering above and around the $0 balance, it ain't gonna happen any time soon.

Though if you do have an extra off-street spot and wouldn't be adverse to a little non-moving Honda Civic living there for a while, please let me know. I'd be grateful and could repay you in trade or dinners or good thoughts from Abbie El Gato.

But I'm not sure if I ever want to have a car while living in Somerville again. This city and the miscreants who dwell within have decided they don't like my car and don't want me driving it, and I really can't afford any more bullshit from pranksters who write phantom parking tickets, smash headlights, steal gas caps, rip out spark plug wires and do God-knows-what with distributor caps.

Fuckem.