do that to me one more time, muskrat sam

[spatch]

Someone much wiser than me once noted that cat owners must own up to certain unalienable truths: first and foremost, the sad truth that if you're a cat owner, somewhere in your house, somewhere right now, there exists a box full of shit.

A similar truth -- similar not in content, but similar in the way that it dramatically re-shapes one's worldview -- must be owned up to by anyone who has ever listened to "Muskrat Love". The song indeed is one of the worst songs ever to have been written and recorded (and to further compound the confusion, it's been recorded at least twice by different artists¹) and I'm not going to get into my complete and utter frustration at the lyri-- ok, I will.

WHO THE HELL RHYMES "EVENIN" WITH "PRETTY PLEASIN" AND EXPECTS TO GET AWAY WITH IT? OR "SHIMMY" AND "SKINNY" FOR THAT MATTER? AND HOW THE HELL DOES ONE JING A JANGO? IT'S LUDICROUS. GET ME A JURY AND SHOW ME HOW YOU CAN SAY "IN JULY" AND I'LL GO DOW-- whoops, sorry about that, I just had an Orson Welles moment. And I haven't even been near the box wine today.

So anyway, about Muskrat Love. At first blush you might think the song is a sweet little tune, however horribly written, about two muskrats. Who are in love.

Sure, sure. But when the lyrics near the end of the second verse take a sharp turn from the candlelight and the pleasin' evenin, veering right into the obscene with phrases like "Now he's tickling her fancy, nibblin her toes" and "Now they wriggle -- and Sue starts to giggle" the sad truth must come out.

This song is about muskrats having sex.

Muskrats.



Having sex.

And they whirl and they twirl and they tango
Singin' and jingin' a jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
Looks like muskrat looooooooooooooooooove

Anyway, I was just thinking about you today, and I realized you hadn't been truly disturbed lately, so I thought I'd just drop a line to help.



1. And by "different artists" I don't mean "the Captain and Tenille." America of Horse With No Name fame recorded it at least once as well, but they got nothin on the Captain's crazy synth muskratty sound effects.

Comments

[jodied.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you so much for that imagery.

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

I hate you so much now.

[spatch]

I can't stop the truth. I can only step aside and let it barrel on by like the freight train it is. And the freight is truth.

[arielblue.livejournal.com]

Sometimes? You frighten me.

[spatch]

Don't thank me, thank Willis Alan Ramsey!

[quocmachinery.livejournal.com]

I like to think that if I wrote a song about muskrats having sex that managed to chart that many of my friends would think I was an absolute genius.

[glowkitty]

I must pass this along to my friend muskratlove.

[spatch]

Point very well taken, and perhaps we should all aspire to pulling one over on the public in such a grand and disturbing fashion (current winners: DEVO 2.0)

However, I wonder if genius should also be used to describe the guy who lost a bet with Andrew Lloyd Webber by saying "Here's 500 pounds that says you can't make a musical about toy trains! With actors on rollerskates!"

[quocmachinery.livejournal.com]

A. I think Andrew Lloyd Weber said, holy shit, I can write ANYTHING and make enough money to kill presidents and still get acquited.
B. http://www.willisalanramsey.com/content/covers.htm lists many people covering willis alan ramsey's various masterpieces

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

And here's where I put a link to my post of 2-15. Because I'm an attention whore.

[dogofthefuture.livejournal.com]

Au contraire. Well, no, you're right about the box of shit RIGHT NOW. But growing up, we always had indoor/outdoor cats who went outside to do their business. No muss, no fuss.

[spatch]

Our indoor/outdoor cats always had a catbox in the basement in case it was late at night and nobody wanted to let 'em out, but yeah, there are certain exceptions, aren't there.

Yeah jumbo jumbo

[cynicalgal.livejournal.com]

Don't diss my Captain or my Tennille.

I have 7 (more) words for you: We're going to party, liming, fiesta, forever.

Re: Yeah jumbo jumbo

[spatch]

Oh, is that what Lionel says?! I always thought it was "carabo" or something and that it was some word in another language I wasn't supposed to understand.

(Huh. Quick lyrics check says the word is 'karamu'. Google sez 'karamu' is a type of African feast, and one has one for kwanzaa, but Wikipedia doesn't say nothing and instead sits in its user-defined corner and cries.)

And you gotta admit, All Night Long is a far cry better than Dancing On The Ceiling. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

[moiread]

I... just. I... Yeah.

Re: I'll dance on your ceiling right here, right now!

[cynicalgal.livejournal.com]

There are two different verses: One says "karamu" which is Swahili for celebratory feast, but the next verse says "liming" in there, which according to my EXHAUSTIVE research (okay, a three-second Google check) means exactly ... nothing.

And don't even get me started on "Tam bo li de say di moi ya."

Re: I'll dance on your ceiling right here, right now!

[cynicalgal.livejournal.com]

And it's not that I don't love ('80s) Lionel. I am JUST SAYING.

[spatch]

"Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?"

[misquoted.livejournal.com]

I love both Muskrat Love and All Night Long. And I'm not ashamed. :)

Re: I'll dance on your ceiling right here, right now!

[spatch]

Apparently, when you party with Lionel Richie, you start speaking in tongues.

Now that's what I call a party.

[ladivinafemme.livejournal.com]

Are you sure it's not "singing a jingle of Django"?

:D

[spatch]

That'd only be the case if Muskrat Sam had lost the use of two fingers on his left paw.

[moiread]

HAHAHAHA. Vampires get to party all night. Forever.

[off_coloratura]

Technically, the box is full of cat litter, with a little bit of shit buried in it. I have no problem with that, especially not if you scoop every day.

Keith

[(Anonymous)]

From the depths of your ignor....

Sorry. Orson Wells is going around this time of the year.

Re: Keith

[spatch]

Here, under protest, is beef burgers.