spatch

OHMYGOD SPATCH, INFLUENTIAL FELLOW BOSTONIAN THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW. So what I didn't say earlier was that the depths of my procrastination reached the truly pathetic level of sending a letter of support to Joe Rogan. Below, please find the entire content of the e-mail, including the absence of "Dear Mr. Rogan" or even "sup Joe." Note that I changed my first name to another first name starting with E because my e-mail address includes my first initial and distinctive last name, and in case it ended up being made public and Google-able, I didn't want potential employers to find out that I'd written to him.

It's easy to snap judge you as the bad guy in this tiff off the bat, because everybody hates Fear Factor. I'm sure you know it's a shitty show and you didn't want to do it anyway, but you must recognize that people will be like "Fuck this guy, Fear Factor sucks." Fortunately, Carlos Mencia is douching it up sufficiently that he will easily become the ready bad guy you will probably turn yourself into a hero for the cause, and everybody will forget about Fear Factor. He's seriously not even that funny so I think the smart money will go your way. I'm hoping this will do a lot for your standup career too, both because you're awesomer than I gave you credit for and because it will help render Fear Factor irrelevant to pop culture.

This is a douchey e-mail, and sorry to harp on you for doing Fear Factor when you're just trying to make a living, but I'm hung over and probably have to break up with my boyfriend and I'm in the sort of shitty mood where I yelled at a negligent parent on public transportation today, so I thought I would share my cynicism with you, formalizing my rock-bottom position by writing unsolicited mail to a celebrity about a matter that has nothing to do with me. Best of luck and may Carlos Mencia have to eat all those nasty tapeworm parasites that people have to swim in on Fear Factor.

I love justice but hate Fear Factor,
Erin

[Note for anyone I know who reads this and is surprised: I don't know if I'm actually breaking up with my boyfriend and certainly neither of us want to, but as grad school circumstances will force me to live in a different city from him next year it's looking possible so I whipped that worst-case scenario by my good buddy Joe.]

I certainly did not expect to receive a reply from Joe Rogan this evening, a few hours after writing this salutation-less diatribe. But that's what I came home to in my Gmail inbox, and it's so important to note for posterity that I had to risk abject humiliation and publicize this ridiculous gesture of mine.
Hahaha, I hate fear factor too. I just enjoyed the money.

This so called "douchey" email is my favorite one that I've received all day.
Negligent parents deserve to be yelled at.
Rock the fuck on, sister.

Joe

Thank you, Spatch. Thank you for EVERYTHING.

Yours,
Emily