thank you boston dot com!

[spatch]

Hey everybody!

LOWES IS OPENING BRAND NEW LOCATIONS ALL UP AND DOWN THE COAST! BRAND NEW STORES TO SHOP AT! HUZZAH HUZZAH HUZZAH!

oh yeah and also our state's proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage was totally defeated but that's just some picayune bit of news that goes on the front page under the BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG AD that says LOWES IS OPENING BRAND NEW LOCATIONS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!1111

Comments

[ron_newman]

I'm not seeing any Lowes add there.

[spatch]

It's right there on the front page, next to the fnords.

[ungratefulninja.livejournal.com]

There's a joke about afnordable shopping here somewhere, but I just can't see it.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

Lowes!?! AWESOME! I'll be getting toilet plungers by the case!

[ladivinafemme.livejournal.com]

'cept my (not yet) spouse and I shop at Homo Depot.

[bex77]

I saw it earlier, but they've taken it down now. There is a modest small square in the upper right corner, but the big banner is gone! Wow, Spatch...you complain and POOF! It disappears! I bow to your infinite power.

[spatch]

Not Targay?

[spatch]

All I could think of was "Passengers certain to die!" "Airline negligent!" "There's a sale at Penney's!"

[ron_newman]

it's been over a year since AMC took over, but the Boston Common multiplex still has several big lighted LOEWS signs.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

I picked the wrong week to have my gay wedding.

[spatch]

"Oh, stewardess? I speak queer."

[ladivinafemme.livejournal.com]

But of course....

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

"So Timmy, do you like movies with..." wait. Uh, what am I supposed to change?

[glowkitty]

TACO TIME!

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

Would you look at all that stuff ...
They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

[spatch]

BB Bumble and the Stingers, Mott the Hoople, Ray Charles Singers
Lonnie Mack and twangin' Eddy; here's my ring, we're going steady
Take it easy, take me higher, liar liar house on fire
Locomotion, Poco, passion, Deep Purple, Satisfaction
Baby baby gotta gotta gimme gimme gettin' hotter
Sam Cooke and Leslie Gore, Richie Valens, end of story
Mahavishnu, Fujiyama, Kama Sutra, rama-lama
Richard Perry, Spector, Barry, Archies, Righteous, Nilsson, Harry
Shimmy shimmy ko-ko bop, and Fats is back and finger-poppin'
LIIIIIFE IS A ROCK BUT THE RADIO ROLLED ME
GOTTA TURN IT UP LOUUUUUUDER
SO MY DJ TOLLLLLLD MEEEEEE

[eeka13.livejournal.com]

YET?

TELLTELLTELLTELL

[eeka13.livejournal.com]

Lowes and being married to a chick are two of the things that make me the most happiest.

Well, The Container Store and coffee are also right up there. And tequila. Mmmm tequila.

[eeka13.livejournal.com]

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge on the River Kwai
Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California baseball
Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide

the radio rolled *me*, TOO.

[beth47.livejournal.com]

wow, boy, does *that* take me back.

(aieeee!)

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn
Make a desperate move or else you'll win
And then begin
To see
What you're doing to me this MTV is not for free
It's so PC it's killing me
So desperately I sing to thee
Of love...

[spatch]

Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic, like Sting I'm tantric, like Snickers guaranteed to satisfy
Like Kurosawa I make mad films; 'kay, I don't make films, but if I did they'd have a samurai

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium,
And gold and protactinium and indium and gallium,

And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

[spatch]

Well, shop at Lowes, go to the Container Store, get two mugs, put coffee and tequila in them, and enjoy it with your wife.

See? You can have it all!

[spatch]

You can't take three from two, two is less than three, so you look at the four in the tens space. Now that's really four tens, so you make it three tens, regroup and you change a ten to ten ones and you add them to the two and you get twelve and you take away three, that's nine. Is that clear?

Now instead of four in the tens place you've got three, 'cause you added one, that is to say ten to the two, but you can't take seven from three, so you look in the hundreds place. From the three you then use one to make ten tens and you know why four plus minus one plus ten is fourteen minus one? Because addition is commutative, right. And so you've got thirteen tens and you take away seven and that leaves five.

...well, six, actually, but the idea is the important thing.

[pushupstairs.livejournal.com]

the Sun is a mass of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace
where hydrogen is built into helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees

yo-ho it's hot, the Sun is not
a place where we could live
but here on Earth, there'd be no life
without the light it gives

we need its light, we need its heat
we need its energy
without the Sun, without a doubt
there'd be no you and me

the Sun is a mass of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace
where hydrogen is built into helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees

the Sun is hot
(it is so hot that everything on it is a gas; iron, copper, aluminum and many others)
the Sun is large
(if the Sun were hollow, a million Earths could fit inside; and yet, it is only a middle-sized star)
the Sun is far away
(about 93 million miles away, and that's why it looks so small)
and even when it's out of sight
the Sun shines night and day

the Sun gives heat, the sun gives light
the sunlight that we see
the sunlight comes from our own Sun's
atomic energy

(Scientists have found that the Sun is a huge atom-smashing machine. The heat and light of the sun come from the nuclear reactions of hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen and helium.)

The Sun is a mass of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace
where hydrogen is built into helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees

[spatch]

Oh, we will so accept that one on account of their live version of this song. It is a scorcher!

[ericjay.livejournal.com]

Jim never vomits at Lowe's!

(Hooray for an entire comment thread from my favorite movie!)

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

I suppose at least a few of these couples are moving in together upon marriage, in which case they need to buy many things at Lowes to outfit their fantastical married-life dream houses.

See, it all fits together.

As for the amendment vote, I'm astonished that the legislature actually rejected it with the required 75% to keep it from going to the ballot. As time went by I figured it would become more and more likely that same-sex marriage would stand in Massachusetts, but not even I expected it to happen like that; I figured any anti-gay-marriage amendment could easily get 25% of the legislature and thought it'd eventually be down to a popular vote.

I imagine opponents will keep bringing petitions for 2012 and after, but it's hard to imagine that they'll have much chance of passing, given that even this amendment was a considerably watered-down one that would have grandfathered in existing marriages.

[ladivinafemme.livejournal.com]

LOL nuttin to tell. We talk about it sometimes, but no plans.

[pushupstairs.livejournal.com]

in that case, you'd have to make a change:

"Scientists have found that the Sun is a huge atom-smashing machine. The heat and light of the sun come from the nuclear reactions of estrogen, estrogen, estrogen and estrogen!"

[sup3rmark.livejournal.com]

the gays are gonna need to get furniture for their newly joined homes SOMEWHERE.

[eeka13.livejournal.com]

Do I put the tequila and coffee one in each mug, or do I mix them together in both mugs?

[spatch]

You put de lime in de coconut and drink dem both up

Moxie Who?

[(Anonymous)]

Galileo, Netwon, Watt, they were genuises all.
Without them we'd be freezing in the dark at the mall.
James Joule found total energy remains the same
No matter what it's form.
That's why it carries his name.

A chemical, electrical, potential and heat,
Radiant, kinetic, ooh the list is incomplete.
They're always changing back and forth
It's really quite a blur
oh, how could he?
I've forgotten nuclear!

Ride a barrel down the falls
Then cook spaghetti with meatballs.
Really make your friends amazed.
Nuke it with some gamma rays.
Fly to Venus in a rocket.
Put your finger in a socket.
You may suffer from exhaust,
But none of that energy is ever really lost.

Then why can't we make a clean machine that moves perpetually?
Cause there's another law with which all energy must agree.
Whenever it changes form, it loses quality

in other words...

Down/Damn that rising entropy!

It's entropy you see that turns finess into mess
A palace to a pig-stye why it's simply scandalous!
Energy once neat degenerates into waste heat (We must repeat.)
Because of entropy.

[violacat.livejournal.com]

MAKE PLANS AND HIRE A STRING QUEERTET BECAUSE MAYBE WE MIGHT KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN DO THAT hi.

[violacat.livejournal.com]

IKEA!

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

come back next week, when we'll be doing...

fractions!