A Ramen Story

GENERIC SPICY CAJUN RAMEN: Hi I am spicy ramen look out for me I taste like cajuns!
ME: Spicy Cajun Ramen! Ha! So-Called Spicy Cajun Ramen! You are not spicy for me! Look at how I eat whole bowlsful of you and not quake with spicy fear! Your flavor would not be exciting even a single endorphin! Run and hide and weep, you weepy not spicy ramen thing! I have no more time for your mildness!
ANOTHER SPICY RAMEN: Hello I am another spicy ramen made by another brand that usually makes ones that taste like roast beef or I don't know Oriental Flavor whatever that means
ME: Ha ha ha! Another Loser Ramen! Like the pathetic Spicy Cajun before you, you are not spicy, you are weak! Look at how I am simultaneously eating you and use you for eyewash at the same time! Weak! Go back to your weak house on Weak Street!
RAMEN HOT: I have heard of you. I am Ramen Hot.
ME: More like Ramen Not, I am willing to wager! Ha! Do you see what I did there? Let me continue to make jokes at your expense while I cooking you up on the stove!
RAMEN HOT: Do not forget to put the spice packet in the boiling water as you cook the noodles.
ME: I shall feast upon your false spiciness tonight, and then sing anti-praises of your worthlessness!
RAMEN HOT: We shall see.
ME: Any last words before you are prepared to be mocked, Ramen Hot?
RAMEN HOT: Vegetable packet includes shiitake mushroom, pepper, onion, dehydrated.
ME: Whoa, wait a minute, I can see the oil separating in the water.
RAMEN HOT: That is the spicy. For I am Ramen Hot.
ME: It's completely coated the noodles! They make the noodles taste of spicy!
RAMEN HOT: Milk cannot help you now.
ME: I'm feeling it under my eyes!
RAMEN HOT: Do not handle mucous membranes after partaking of Ramen Hot.
ME: I don't even want to try and drink the broth!
RAMEN HOT: Drink the broth.
ME: I can't!
RAMEN HOT: DRINK THE BROTH.
ME: Oh my god why did I drink the broth
RAMEN HOT: Laughing now? You should laugh elsewhere!
ME: Gaaagh, you win! I am surrender! You are too much for me, Ramen Hot!
RAMEN HOT: Now you know better than to mock the Ramen Hot. My work here is done.
ME: And why did I have this at 2 AM?

smashing videogame cliche left and right

You know, I've played Diablo 2 off and on since, oh, 2000. Each time I take at least one character through the game in both Normal and Nightmare mode. Sometimes two, if I'm infatuated with the game long enough. If I'm not playing with friends I already know, I play solo. I venture into Hell when I'm good and ready but honestly, after the resist-fest that is nightmare, I don't get very far.

But in all that time, I don't think I've ever seen a single solitary Stone of Jordan drop or show up in a gamble.

So much for "u giev soj", eh.