A Ramen Story

[spatch]

GENERIC SPICY CAJUN RAMEN: Hi I am spicy ramen look out for me I taste like cajuns!
ME: Spicy Cajun Ramen! Ha! So-Called Spicy Cajun Ramen! You are not spicy for me! Look at how I eat whole bowlsful of you and not quake with spicy fear! Your flavor would not be exciting even a single endorphin! Run and hide and weep, you weepy not spicy ramen thing! I have no more time for your mildness!
ANOTHER SPICY RAMEN: Hello I am another spicy ramen made by another brand that usually makes ones that taste like roast beef or I don't know Oriental Flavor whatever that means
ME: Ha ha ha! Another Loser Ramen! Like the pathetic Spicy Cajun before you, you are not spicy, you are weak! Look at how I am simultaneously eating you and use you for eyewash at the same time! Weak! Go back to your weak house on Weak Street!
RAMEN HOT: I have heard of you. I am Ramen Hot.
ME: More like Ramen Not, I am willing to wager! Ha! Do you see what I did there? Let me continue to make jokes at your expense while I cooking you up on the stove!
RAMEN HOT: Do not forget to put the spice packet in the boiling water as you cook the noodles.
ME: I shall feast upon your false spiciness tonight, and then sing anti-praises of your worthlessness!
RAMEN HOT: We shall see.
ME: Any last words before you are prepared to be mocked, Ramen Hot?
RAMEN HOT: Vegetable packet includes shiitake mushroom, pepper, onion, dehydrated.
ME: Whoa, wait a minute, I can see the oil separating in the water.
RAMEN HOT: That is the spicy. For I am Ramen Hot.
ME: It's completely coated the noodles! They make the noodles taste of spicy!
RAMEN HOT: Milk cannot help you now.
ME: I'm feeling it under my eyes!
RAMEN HOT: Do not handle mucous membranes after partaking of Ramen Hot.
ME: I don't even want to try and drink the broth!
RAMEN HOT: Drink the broth.
ME: I can't!
RAMEN HOT: DRINK THE BROTH.
ME: Oh my god why did I drink the broth
RAMEN HOT: Laughing now? You should laugh elsewhere!
ME: Gaaagh, you win! I am surrender! You are too much for me, Ramen Hot!
RAMEN HOT: Now you know better than to mock the Ramen Hot. My work here is done.
ME: And why did I have this at 2 AM?

Comments

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

And why did I have this at 2 AM?

Heck, it's even keeping *me* up. ;)

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Curses! Now you have made me hungry for ramen!

[dogofthefuture.livejournal.com]

Zantac: Dude. It's coooool.

[spwebdesign.livejournal.com]

You must let me know the brand name of this ramen hot. It's like moving up a level — ramen hot conquered the Spatch, but can he conquer me. It would require an advanced level of spiciness unheard of in ramen.

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

May I accompany you on your quest to win back derspatchel's honor from this impertinent Ramen Hot? My own exploits in the restaurants of Koreatown and the supermarkets of Little India are nigh legendary.

[phonemonkey.livejournal.com]

Was it one of those deadly Korean ones?

[annilita.livejournal.com]

Dude. I use half a flavor packet on most of those and they still kill me. And I'm not a spiciness wussy.

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

Mmm... I like Nong Shim's kimchi ramen.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

About once a month I get a Nong Shim from the supermarket next door and say, "bah, I have the spice tolerance for this", and then half-way through slurping the noodles after fanning my mouth after each bite, swear only to use half the packet next time.

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

Hee. When I was at university and working in an observatory, I'd keep those on hand in my room to warm up after winter observing sessions.

[spatch]

Indeed, it was Nong Shim. It is amazing and I am buying more. I boiled more water than I needed to, and still it was hot like wow.

[phonemonkey.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen the kimchi flavour here, but I like the Nong Shim Cup in the bright red packaging.

Very good stuff provided you don't think about the fat or sodium.

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

The red cup is good too. That and the kimchi in the green envelope are the only ones I've tried, because the rest aren't vegetarian.

[jackbishop.livejournal.com]

Dude, the serious Asian brands don't fuck around. The Mee-Jang and Sun Lee Tom Yum flavors are pretty good as stuff with instant flavor packets go, but they will kick your ass and make you cry for your mama. Appropriately enough, the Mee-Jang flavor packets are imprinted with something bearing a passing resemblance to a biohazard symbol.

[crankyliberal.livejournal.com]

"Now you know better than to mock the Ramen Hot"

I think this is my new tagline, or "That is the spicy, for I am Ramen Hot"

[sarcasma.livejournal.com]

Mmm, THAT'll be good for the ol' reflux.

[jodied.livejournal.com]

AW! Poor Spatch!

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Battle of the Hotness! Aiieeee!

[gismonda.livejournal.com]

Here, drink this carton of yogurt.

[spatch]

Is it Yogurt Hot?

[gismonda.livejournal.com]

It is simply Another Spicy Yogurt.

[spatch]

I don't know, I can see bright orange oil floating to the top.

[gismonda.livejournal.com]

Just dab it off with a paper towel and you will be fine. (Just make sure to put the paper towel in the biohazard receptacle...)

[amusings-bnl.livejournal.com]

that was one of the funniest things i've ever read. special thanks to universal hub for picking this one up for us.

ditto

[heyes.livejournal.com]

This should be a flash animation, or a Strongbad adventure.

[mybadhairlife.livejournal.com]

First there was Spatch vs. Ants, now there's Spatch vs. Hot Ramen.

Obviously you need to quit your day job and get into battling full time, because the world needs more Spatch vs. anything!

[revolution724.livejournal.com]

OMG, you slay me. Much like the Ramen Hot undoubtedly would, were I not far too much of a spiciness wimp to try it.

[antiquated-tory.livejournal.com]

Hilarious, esp the eyewash line!
I think this is one of the Korean brands you had. There's one store here that has them, and the various commenters are right--that stuff doesn't muck about! And the dried veg bits actually look nice.
Was in Korea for a month and developed quite a taste for them. Am very happy to have the only store in Prague that carries them located a 15 min walk away.

[amandaruth2001.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Mr. Spatch. :)

[heliophage.livejournal.com]

Nong Shim is the shit. I buy it by the crate!

Well, okay, once every six months, but still.

[hotpoint.livejournal.com]

I've got a few bowls of Nong Shim that I will never be able to consume and live. Uncertain age. Free for the taking.

[campion7.livejournal.com]

*bad flashbacks to when she was living in Iowa*

I lived on ramen while I was out there. So I can relate to this. (Especially the 2AM bit.) :)

*giggle*