A Ramen Story

[spatch]

GENERIC SPICY CAJUN RAMEN: Hi I am spicy ramen look out for me I taste like cajuns!
ME: Spicy Cajun Ramen! Ha! So-Called Spicy Cajun Ramen! You are not spicy for me! Look at how I eat whole bowlsful of you and not quake with spicy fear! Your flavor would not be exciting even a single endorphin! Run and hide and weep, you weepy not spicy ramen thing! I have no more time for your mildness!
ANOTHER SPICY RAMEN: Hello I am another spicy ramen made by another brand that usually makes ones that taste like roast beef or I don't know Oriental Flavor whatever that means
ME: Ha ha ha! Another Loser Ramen! Like the pathetic Spicy Cajun before you, you are not spicy, you are weak! Look at how I am simultaneously eating you and use you for eyewash at the same time! Weak! Go back to your weak house on Weak Street!
RAMEN HOT: I have heard of you. I am Ramen Hot.
ME: More like Ramen Not, I am willing to wager! Ha! Do you see what I did there? Let me continue to make jokes at your expense while I cooking you up on the stove!
RAMEN HOT: Do not forget to put the spice packet in the boiling water as you cook the noodles.
ME: I shall feast upon your false spiciness tonight, and then sing anti-praises of your worthlessness!
RAMEN HOT: We shall see.
ME: Any last words before you are prepared to be mocked, Ramen Hot?
RAMEN HOT: Vegetable packet includes shiitake mushroom, pepper, onion, dehydrated.
ME: Whoa, wait a minute, I can see the oil separating in the water.
RAMEN HOT: That is the spicy. For I am Ramen Hot.
ME: It's completely coated the noodles! They make the noodles taste of spicy!
RAMEN HOT: Milk cannot help you now.
ME: I'm feeling it under my eyes!
RAMEN HOT: Do not handle mucous membranes after partaking of Ramen Hot.
ME: I don't even want to try and drink the broth!
RAMEN HOT: Drink the broth.
ME: I can't!
RAMEN HOT: DRINK THE BROTH.
ME: Oh my god why did I drink the broth
RAMEN HOT: Laughing now? You should laugh elsewhere!
ME: Gaaagh, you win! I am surrender! You are too much for me, Ramen Hot!
RAMEN HOT: Now you know better than to mock the Ramen Hot. My work here is done.
ME: And why did I have this at 2 AM?

Comments

[jackbishop.livejournal.com]

Dude, the serious Asian brands don't fuck around. The Mee-Jang and Sun Lee Tom Yum flavors are pretty good as stuff with instant flavor packets go, but they will kick your ass and make you cry for your mama. Appropriately enough, the Mee-Jang flavor packets are imprinted with something bearing a passing resemblance to a biohazard symbol.