The Hurting Begins

Hey. You ever see the pilot for the Remo Williams TV show?

For most people, I bet the answer is of course not, because A. it was shown once in 1988 and was pre-empted in most areas for a speech by Ronnie Reagan, and B. it stank to high heaven.

I'm watching it now. Actually, I watched the first five minutes of it and had to stop because A. the opening credits sequence featured AWESOME ACTION CLIPS!1 from the film, and B. it stank to high heaven.

I can accept the fact that maybe Joel Grey wasn't available for filming that month or maybe his rent was paid up for a while, so they went ahead and put Roddy McDowall in yellowface for to play Chiun. (McDowall actually gets the best line so far, breaking the fourth wall in the beginning and telling us to change the channel.)

I can accept the fact that maybe Wilfred Brimley also didn't have any major outstanding expenses when they cast this pilot, cause he ain't in it as well.

But seriously, what could Fred Ward have been doing that was better than this? Why did they instead cast...



Jeffrey Meek, Soap Opera Hair Man, as Smirky Remo?



With fashions by Marty McFly, apparently.



I'm not amused either, Most Honorable Fake Asian Roddy McDowall!

I suppose I'll watch some more of it later tomorrow, and feel compelled to provide more insight into this ultra-sooper-rare TV gem. I mean, germ. I guess there's a reason some things stay hidden, sure, but by gum I'm chuffed to pieces to be able to even check this out.

Michael Keaton knows how to chill the spine!

From Hollywood Bitchslap's Criticwatch Whores of 2005 article, showcasing the worst of the film industry blurbmeisters (check out the great bit on Earl "Just Write Anything And Put My Name On It" Dittman) I bring you:

( The 25 Worst Quotes of the Year )

Man, this is terrible stuff. Of course, it's not terrible just because most of the blurbs are glowy hyperbolic gush over mediocre or truly awful films. It's terrible because it's clear these guys are about as sincere as a used-car salesman -- which is appropriate, since they're peddling the same kinds of lemons.