The Hurting Begins

[spatch]

Hey. You ever see the pilot for the Remo Williams TV show?

For most people, I bet the answer is of course not, because A. it was shown once in 1988 and was pre-empted in most areas for a speech by Ronnie Reagan, and B. it stank to high heaven.

I'm watching it now. Actually, I watched the first five minutes of it and had to stop because A. the opening credits sequence featured AWESOME ACTION CLIPS!1 from the film, and B. it stank to high heaven.

I can accept the fact that maybe Joel Grey wasn't available for filming that month or maybe his rent was paid up for a while, so they went ahead and put Roddy McDowall in yellowface for to play Chiun. (McDowall actually gets the best line so far, breaking the fourth wall in the beginning and telling us to change the channel.)

I can accept the fact that maybe Wilfred Brimley also didn't have any major outstanding expenses when they cast this pilot, cause he ain't in it as well.

But seriously, what could Fred Ward have been doing that was better than this? Why did they instead cast...



Jeffrey Meek, Soap Opera Hair Man, as Smirky Remo?



With fashions by Marty McFly, apparently.



I'm not amused either, Most Honorable Fake Asian Roddy McDowall!

I suppose I'll watch some more of it later tomorrow, and feel compelled to provide more insight into this ultra-sooper-rare TV gem. I mean, germ. I guess there's a reason some things stay hidden, sure, but by gum I'm chuffed to pieces to be able to even check this out.

Comments

[mdm-sosostris.livejournal.com]

There was a Remo Williams TV show? Why was I not informed? I lurve that movie--especially when the car rolls down the hill and the (American) door handle disappointingly breaks off in Chiun's hand.

Damn.

[spatch]

Well, you probably hadn't been informed because A. only the pilot had been made, aired once, and the series wasn't picked up, and B. the aforementioned high heaven-stinking.

[mdm-sosostris.livejournal.com]

Still, someone should have sent me the memo.

Dare I ask how you came across it?

[spatch]

INTERNET

I love the Internet

[antiquated-tory.livejournal.com]

Likewise. The film was fun and it was based on one of the few of those 1000-issue pulp paperback series to have a truly redeeming sense of humor (unlike say, The Executioner, which deserves Steven Segal in the title role).

[mr-bad-example.livejournal.com]

When they were talking about making a Mack Bolan movie in the 80's, Sylvester Stallone's name kept coming up. I was into The Executioner series for a while, but The Destroyer was always my favorite. (And yeah, the film was ten kinds of fun.)

Another pulp series from about that time that was also riotous good fun was Able Team. It was a spinoff of the Mack Bolan novels, but it had a sense of humor about itself and the material. The ones written by Chuck Rogers are the funniest.

[antiquated-tory.livejournal.com]

Never heard of Able Team before this. I thought I was on my own, writing sickly funny mercenary short stories. (In High School this is how I channeled my considerable frustration, writing about the Filthy Five: "Death in Iran," "Death in Colombia: Coke Adds Death," "Death in Italy: The Off-White Brigade," etc. I'd be embarrassed to write anything like that now. Especially with the various levels of racism I included, in my teenaged dumb f**k way. Now that I'm Mr Well-Adjusted Center-Left Utilitarian Cultural Relativist, I don't think I could come up with any good cardboard villains.)

[(Anonymous)]

I would totally read an adventure story titled "Death in Colombia: Coke Adds Death." And teenaged dumbf**ckery is totally forgivable.

I'm sure there are series out there, especially in today's political climate, that pander to the "Repel The Heathen Musselmen And Swarthy Spaniards At All Cost" demographic, but I didn't see too much of that in the stuff I was reading at the time. The Destroyer was satire, so it pretty much skewered everybody's sacred cows, but I even remember Mack Bolan going after white supremacists and and right-wing militia guys in a number of books. "A terrorist is a terrorist" seemed to be the philosophy, which I agree with even today.

[mr-bad-example.livejournal.com]

That last message was me, by the way.

[maga-dogg.livejournal.com]

Fake Asian? I was guessing the Pope.

[lydian.livejournal.com]

I confess I enjoyed each and every minute of that short-lived masterpiece, particularly the scene where the Most Honorable Fake Asian, putting his Fake Asian healing rays to good use, brings Remo back to life after he's been shot by evildoers. It's heartbreakingly poignant.

DO NOT JUDGE ME I WAS VERY YOUNG

[mr-bad-example.livejournal.com]

That was actually based on the novella "The Day Remo Died." A recurring theme throughout the books was that Remo was an avatar of Shiva, the god of destruction. For him to come into his full power, he had to die. So, in the story, he was shot, realized he was Shiva, and came back to life.

And by the way, let me also take this opportunity to apologize to Spatch for just completely monopolizing this comment thread. I spent a lot of years following Remo and Chiun. I get a little chatty when the subject comes up.

[dskasak.livejournal.com]

Who is the worse fake Asian: Roddy McDowell, Mickey Rooney from Breakfast At Tiffany's, or Lee Van Cleef from "The Master?"

[infinitehotel.livejournal.com]

To be fair, the show never claimed Van Cleef was Asian. They just claimed he was the only westerner ever to be deemed worthy to be trained in the ancient ways of the ninja.

Yep, get me a dork hat too...

[dskasak.livejournal.com]

Regarding Lee Van Cleef, I was going under the Pete Townsend theory that all the best cowboys have Chinese eyes.

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

"John Peter McAllister: the only Caucasian ever to receive training as a ninja...."

Got two dork hats to hand? God, I loved that show.

[spatch]

Rooney by a rong shot.

[mr-bad-example.livejournal.com]

I actually think I have this on VHS somewheres.

Roddy McDowall's Most Honorable Fake Asian makeup is really really bad. I think you're right, Rooney blows this out of the water. On the other hand, I remember the guy who played Smith being a lot closer to the way he was presented in the novels. Not that I have anything against Wilford Brimley, but the Smith of the novels is much more dour and gray.

The Destroyer series was just about my favorite reading material right around when I was 14.