do that to me one more time, muskrat sam

Someone much wiser than me once noted that cat owners must own up to certain unalienable truths: first and foremost, the sad truth that if you're a cat owner, somewhere in your house, somewhere right now, there exists a box full of shit.

A similar truth -- similar not in content, but similar in the way that it dramatically re-shapes one's worldview -- must be owned up to by anyone who has ever listened to "Muskrat Love". The song indeed is one of the worst songs ever to have been written and recorded (and to further compound the confusion, it's been recorded at least twice by different artists¹) and I'm not going to get into my complete and utter frustration at the lyri-- ok, I will.

WHO THE HELL RHYMES "EVENIN" WITH "PRETTY PLEASIN" AND EXPECTS TO GET AWAY WITH IT? OR "SHIMMY" AND "SKINNY" FOR THAT MATTER? AND HOW THE HELL DOES ONE JING A JANGO? IT'S LUDICROUS. GET ME A JURY AND SHOW ME HOW YOU CAN SAY "IN JULY" AND I'LL GO DOW-- whoops, sorry about that, I just had an Orson Welles moment. And I haven't even been near the box wine today.

So anyway, about Muskrat Love. At first blush you might think the song is a sweet little tune, however horribly written, about two muskrats. Who are in love.

Sure, sure. But when the lyrics near the end of the second verse take a sharp turn from the candlelight and the pleasin' evenin, veering right into the obscene with phrases like "Now he's tickling her fancy, nibblin her toes" and "Now they wriggle -- and Sue starts to giggle" the sad truth must come out.

This song is about muskrats having sex.

Muskrats.



Having sex.

And they whirl and they twirl and they tango
Singin' and jingin' a jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
Looks like muskrat looooooooooooooooooove

Anyway, I was just thinking about you today, and I realized you hadn't been truly disturbed lately, so I thought I'd just drop a line to help.



1. And by "different artists" I don't mean "the Captain and Tenille." America of Horse With No Name fame recorded it at least once as well, but they got nothin on the Captain's crazy synth muskratty sound effects.

whimsical will sounds like tom lehrer compared to this guy

You remember about a year or so ago when I found that Eurotrash club cover of "Ode To Billy Joe" and we all had a mighty good laff-n-cringe over it? And how I said I believed I'd found the most laughably awful song ever?

Well, it's been replaced by what sounds to be a wacky morning DJ's fusion of Dukes Of Hazzard and what he thinks is hip-hop.

He calls it "Duke-Op."

You should go out and treat yourself to some delicious ice cream if you can listen through it entirely on your first try.