the problem with these milestones is that they count down, not up

Also, this morning, I found a grey hair trying to hide insouciantly in a whorl of bangs. Had to yank it out to make sure it just wasn't a trick of the lighting. It wasn't a trick of the lighting.

You, my friend, I shall name Proof Positive.

chaos ensues, and the 80s begin

Dear Helen Hayes Theater,

Hi there! What production do you have that's currently in previews?

Signed,
Spatch

Dear Spatch,

Why, thank you for asking! Currently in this prestigious theater space is XANADU: THE MUSICAL. Let's see what our PR flacks have said about it: Xanadu is "...a musical love story about the Greek muse Clio, who descends from Mount Olympus to Venice Beach, California in 1980 to inspire a struggling artist, build the first roller disco and save the world—all while roller skating! But when her forbidden love with a mortal threatens to complicate things, chaos ensues—and the '80s begin."

Wow! Sounds great, doesn't it? We look forward to a June 26th opening. And just before you ask: yes, we are using the original songs from the original movie; no, Olivia Newton-John and Michael "The Warriors" Beck will not be performing in their respective roles as muse and frustrated album cover painter. And Gene Kelly's dead.

Signed,
The Helen Hayes Theater

Dear Helen Hayes Theater,

Gee, thanks for reminding me about Gene Kelly. I've had enough bad news already today. But hey, I'd go see this crazy confrabutraption of yours. Do you expect the show to still be running in mid August?

-Spatch

Dear Spatch,

Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Well, our box office claims to sell tix as far out as Labor Day weekend, but, uh. Ha ha ha ha ha.

-THH

Hey Helen Hayes,

Er, how exactly does a theater laugh?

-S.

Spatch,

Obviously you weren't around the night they closed Carrie: The Musical.

END OF LINE

Spatch's twenty-four word review of "Human Nature"

If just ten seconds had been snipped from "Human Nature" it'd be in the running for the Best Freakin' Episode of the "New" Doctor Who So Far.







And I bet you can guess which ten seconds I'm referring to. can't guarantee spoiler-free comments, btw.