THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA

[spatch]

"Thank you so much for holding! The person you are waiting for will be back as soon as he or she can. It is our stated policy that every customer to our dealership, whether in person or on the phone, be treated like an honored guest in our own home. Every time! Every day! No exceptions! And remember, to improve your self-image, do something nice for someone else!"

Now imagine this said in the smarmiest tone possible.
With soothing music in the background.
Repeated every 10 seconds, with a different ending platitude every time.
And heard at the last three dealerships (different brands, even) that I've had the, uh, pleasure of calling.

Mmm, fake sincerity, packaged up and for sale as a hold message package. Cause you don't have time to record your own message. Because you don't have time to pretend to care yourself.

AND YOU WONDER WHY THE REST OF THE WORLD HATES US.

Comments

[sarcasma.livejournal.com]

1. Ew.

2. I am tempted to modify that just enought to make it my voicemail greeting at work.

3. I guess that's what's wrong with Canada?

[chitzk0i.livejournal.com]

"Thank you for calling Skynet. All hunter-killers are currently busy. Please leave your name, telephone number, and address and we will kill you at our next possible convenience."

I do a pretty mean computer voice so that might work well for my voice mail. Muahahaha.

nonononono

[rosalux.livejournal.com]

what's wrong is that they had perfectly OK hypnotic "turn off your brain while you wait music" and they think it's BETTER to interrupt it so you have a bunch of discrete wait times added together instead.

We've improved that with adding promos for products into the interruptions, to make our customers love us EVEN MORE.

Who makes these decisions? And how?

[bedfull-o-books.livejournal.com]

I am fond of the scene in Good Omens where the demon is trapped in Crawley's ansaphone and is released when a telemarketer calls his number.

It should happen more often.

[tenlegspider.livejournal.com]

*blink*

*blink*

Wow.

I've never been offered self-help morality advice while on hold.