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spatchME: I would like a Turbo Ice1 Coffee, please.
COUNTERPERSON: Milk and sugar?
ME: Yes.
COUNTERPERSON: Here.
ME: Thank you. Sip, sip, sip.
COFFEE: HELLO I TASTE LIKE BLUEBERRIES
ME: This is disgusting.
COFFEE: TAKE PITY ON MY PATHETIC EXISTENCE, I DID NOT ASK MY CREATOR TO TASTE LIKE BLUEBERRIES
ME: Hello? I'm sorry, I wanted a Turbo Ice, and this tastes like blueberries.
COUNTERPERSON, UNHAPPY THAT HER PEACEFUL REVERIE HAS BEEN BROKEN BY YET ANOTHER CUSTOMER: You wanted blueberry?
ME: No, I don't want blueberry, I wanted a Turbo Ice. The one with the espresso in it.
COUNTERPERSON, WHO HAS EVERY RIGHT TO DOUBT A CUSTOMER'S CONCERN OVER THE BEVERAGE THEY RECEIVED BECAUSE EVERYBODY IN THE HUMAN RACE ARE LIARS WHO EXIST SOLELY TO MAKE YOUR LIFE ANNOYING: Sniff, sniff. There's no blueberry in here.
ME: Trust me, there's blueberry in it.
COUNTERPERSON, BURDENED BY THE TERRIBLE IMPOSITION PLACED UPON HER BY A CUSTOMER WHO DARES QUESTION THE FLAVOR OF HIS BEVERAGE: Sigh
ME: Could I please have the coffee with the espresso in it? No blueberry?
COUNTERPERSON, WHOSE EYES HAVE ROLLED OUT OF HER HEAD AND ARE NOW SOMEWHERE UNDER THE COUNTER, VIOLATING OSHA GUIDELINES: Milk and sugar?
ME: Yes, please.
COUNTERPERSON, WHO IS TOO BUSY DAYDREAMING ABOUT LEAVING WORK EARLY TO GO KICK PUPPIES OR SOMETHING TO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE: Here.
ME: Thank you. Sip, sip, sip.
COFFEE: WELCOME TO THE DUNKIN ISLANDS, MON
ME: This tastes like someone put suntan lotion in my coffee.
COFFEE: I AN I BE TASTIN OF COCONUT GOODNESS ALONG WIT THE CAFFEINE YOU BE CRAVIN
COUNTERPERSON, WHO OBVIOUSLY IS JUST JABBING AT RANDOM BUTTONS ON THE FLAVOR MACHINE: What now?
ME: Can I speak with your manager, please?
COUNTERPERSON, BLINKING IN DISBELIEF THAT SOMEONE MIGHT DARE TO BE DISSATISFIED WITH THE STELLAR LEVEL OF CUSTOMER SERVICE SO ADROITLY GIVEN AT THIS PARAGON OF EXCELLENCE THAT IS THE DUNKIN DONUTS ON SUMMER STREET IN BOSTON: Now why you wanna do that?!
I eventually did get my coffee. And I didn't even hear any hocking sounds from behind the flavor machine.
1. The "Turbo Ice" is the new name Dunkin Donuts has given to "an iced coffee with an espresso shot please." I dunno. Isn't it a Gatorade flavor? Might explain the incessant need to put fruit flavors in it for me.
COUNTERPERSON: Milk and sugar?
ME: Yes.
COUNTERPERSON: Here.
ME: Thank you. Sip, sip, sip.
COFFEE: HELLO I TASTE LIKE BLUEBERRIES
ME: This is disgusting.
COFFEE: TAKE PITY ON MY PATHETIC EXISTENCE, I DID NOT ASK MY CREATOR TO TASTE LIKE BLUEBERRIES
ME: Hello? I'm sorry, I wanted a Turbo Ice, and this tastes like blueberries.
COUNTERPERSON, UNHAPPY THAT HER PEACEFUL REVERIE HAS BEEN BROKEN BY YET ANOTHER CUSTOMER: You wanted blueberry?
ME: No, I don't want blueberry, I wanted a Turbo Ice. The one with the espresso in it.
COUNTERPERSON, WHO HAS EVERY RIGHT TO DOUBT A CUSTOMER'S CONCERN OVER THE BEVERAGE THEY RECEIVED BECAUSE EVERYBODY IN THE HUMAN RACE ARE LIARS WHO EXIST SOLELY TO MAKE YOUR LIFE ANNOYING: Sniff, sniff. There's no blueberry in here.
ME: Trust me, there's blueberry in it.
COUNTERPERSON, BURDENED BY THE TERRIBLE IMPOSITION PLACED UPON HER BY A CUSTOMER WHO DARES QUESTION THE FLAVOR OF HIS BEVERAGE: Sigh
ME: Could I please have the coffee with the espresso in it? No blueberry?
COUNTERPERSON, WHOSE EYES HAVE ROLLED OUT OF HER HEAD AND ARE NOW SOMEWHERE UNDER THE COUNTER, VIOLATING OSHA GUIDELINES: Milk and sugar?
ME: Yes, please.
COUNTERPERSON, WHO IS TOO BUSY DAYDREAMING ABOUT LEAVING WORK EARLY TO GO KICK PUPPIES OR SOMETHING TO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE: Here.
ME: Thank you. Sip, sip, sip.
COFFEE: WELCOME TO THE DUNKIN ISLANDS, MON
ME: This tastes like someone put suntan lotion in my coffee.
COFFEE: I AN I BE TASTIN OF COCONUT GOODNESS ALONG WIT THE CAFFEINE YOU BE CRAVIN
COUNTERPERSON, WHO OBVIOUSLY IS JUST JABBING AT RANDOM BUTTONS ON THE FLAVOR MACHINE: What now?
ME: Can I speak with your manager, please?
COUNTERPERSON, BLINKING IN DISBELIEF THAT SOMEONE MIGHT DARE TO BE DISSATISFIED WITH THE STELLAR LEVEL OF CUSTOMER SERVICE SO ADROITLY GIVEN AT THIS PARAGON OF EXCELLENCE THAT IS THE DUNKIN DONUTS ON SUMMER STREET IN BOSTON: Now why you wanna do that?!
I eventually did get my coffee. And I didn't even hear any hocking sounds from behind the flavor machine.
1. The "Turbo Ice" is the new name Dunkin Donuts has given to "an iced coffee with an espresso shot please." I dunno. Isn't it a Gatorade flavor? Might explain the incessant need to put fruit flavors in it for me.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-06 04:53 pm (UTC)