Dearest MBTA

[spatch]

It may behoove you to rethink your strategy towards escalator and elevator maintenance on the Red Line. It's become quite apparent you and Kone, the maintenance company responsible for the repairs, just can't quite rise to the challenge of keeping any one (1) individual escalator in Davis, Porter or South Station in good working condition for seven (7) consecutive days. As this is just a small sampling of the vertical access solutions in the entire MBTA system, I am quite confident that the other stations are experiencing similar delays and problems.

Clearly the escalator and elevator challenge is too much for you and you should just scrap them all, perhaps converting them to something nice and pretty, like decorative planters. That way we all have something nice to look at while we're dragging our luggage up the stairs, step by step. We're already used to this, so why not make the experience a little greener? Confused elderly people will find something to smile about when they see cheerful seasonal flowers along the way, encouraging them on to the top. The empty elevator shafts will make dandy terrariums, home to tall flowers and climbing ivy. I'm sure you can even find some strains of shrubs that are not only resilient to hobo pee, but thrive on it as well.

I urge you to give this matter your full attention and consideration, because as it stands those shafts and inclines aren't doing anything but standing around doing nothing, and they'd be put to much better use by just throwing dirt and plant life on them.


Yours,
The Stairmaster 5000

Comments

[dcart.livejournal.com]

I hope you actually sent this letter. :)