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spatchThere's a heavily-cologned slick-haired sharp-suited man hanging out in our break room today. When I toddled in with empty coffee cup and glassy-eyed expression of panic and fear, he immediately jumped on the chance.
"Want some coffee?" he said. I blearily nodded and weakly held out my cup, shaking it slightly for either the universal sign of "I need more please" or "I've had way too much." There's a fine line of distinction there.
Turns out we're using a new individual coffee pod system, replacing the old and much-loved maligned K-Cup system. This time we've got a space-age machine with a lid you lift and two settings ("Strong" or "Regular") and the coffee comes not in plastic cups three times the size of creamer cups, but in little teabag dumplings. You place the dumpling on a circular disc (angled in the space-age lid about 30 degrees) and close the lid and press the button and off you go on your coffee adventure.
I know this because the salesman told me all about it. I also know this because I've made coffee before. The salesman also helpfully read to me every coffee label on the display rack, too. He told me the Dark Roast was "kind of a darker roast" and that the Breakfast Blend was "a mild blend that people like with breakfast." Me, I just wanted my coffee.
"Ah, I see you've done this before!" he said, as I dispensed with all froo-frah and started the coffeemaking process. What, I thought, made coffee? No, dude, this is the first time I've ever had the stuff. I hear it tastes like strawberries.
Finally my charming people skills paid off and he realized I wasn't going to be very receptive to his hard sell and compliments, so he let me do my thang, backing off to the other side of the break room. There he took out his cellphone and dialled a few digits.
"Get me voice mail!" he barked into the phone. It all sounded very important. I hope he lands that big contract. Me, I just hope this coffee doesn't suck.
"Want some coffee?" he said. I blearily nodded and weakly held out my cup, shaking it slightly for either the universal sign of "I need more please" or "I've had way too much." There's a fine line of distinction there.
Turns out we're using a new individual coffee pod system, replacing the old and much-
I know this because the salesman told me all about it. I also know this because I've made coffee before. The salesman also helpfully read to me every coffee label on the display rack, too. He told me the Dark Roast was "kind of a darker roast" and that the Breakfast Blend was "a mild blend that people like with breakfast." Me, I just wanted my coffee.
"Ah, I see you've done this before!" he said, as I dispensed with all froo-frah and started the coffeemaking process. What, I thought, made coffee? No, dude, this is the first time I've ever had the stuff. I hear it tastes like strawberries.
Finally my charming people skills paid off and he realized I wasn't going to be very receptive to his hard sell and compliments, so he let me do my thang, backing off to the other side of the break room. There he took out his cellphone and dialled a few digits.
"Get me voice mail!" he barked into the phone. It all sounded very important. I hope he lands that big contract. Me, I just hope this coffee doesn't suck.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-24 05:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-24 06:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-25 09:06 am (UTC)I'll bet he'd resign immediately and devote his life to rescuing abandoned hamsters.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-24 05:37 pm (UTC)I had the Breakfast Blend. It was awful. Absolutely no character whatsoever. Might as well have been drinking caffeinated library paste.
I think I'll be bringing in coffee bags from now on.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-25 01:21 am (UTC)(waits patiently for the coffee police)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-26 07:27 pm (UTC)GASP!!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-28 07:39 pm (UTC)"Hey, Gladys, it's Mr. Big Coffee Man, who still hasn't figured out how to press the phone buttons to get is own damn voice mail."