I'm using WUH WUH WUH WINDOWS!

[spatch]

This here's a Google video of a Microsoft promotional video sent out to retailers in the late 80s to tout all the awesome new features of Windows for the 386. The Google video description says it all: "Boring until the 7 minute mark when the production is taken over by crack-smoking monkeys."

Kids, this is what cocaine did for the 80s. And perhaps Patrick Bateman targeted the wrong people.

Comments

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Four apps running ALL AT ONCE!! Rad!

[sarcasma.livejournal.com]

WHA HAPPEN?!?

[saint-buddha.livejournal.com]

OMG, was that Debbie Harry and Bob Saget I just saw?

[ubiquity75.livejournal.com]

Well.
That was disturbing.

[ubiquity75.livejournal.com]

AND ONE OF THEM IS A GIANT (ANALOG) CLOCK. WOW.

[bostonista.livejournal.com]

Wow. The music is SO BAD. They completely de-syncopated it.

[limax.livejournal.com]

It's interesting to see how much the interface has changed... and yes, the 7 minute mark is priceless.

[muse0fire.livejournal.com]

WUH WUH WUH WTF?

And you bastard. Now for the rest of the night I'm going to have "I've got wuh-wuh-wuh-windows" in my head.

*shakes head*

[janric.livejournal.com]

I HATE YOU!!!

[ruthling.livejournal.com]

So
Very
Wrong

[coffeebeanben.livejournal.com]

I FOUND THE CRACK MONKEYS!

boy they weren't kidding about the seven minute mark.


PARALLEL DIMENSION!!! SWITCH ON!!!!

What else but oyu?

[(Anonymous)]

Hi


Bye

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

I don't know what this says about me and my checkered adolescence, but the coke-addled shift at the seven-minute mark reminded me of nothing so much as mid 80s hardcore pornography. I kept expecting the blonde chick to get naked (or, more likely, strip down to some hot pink garter belt ensemble) and start seducing the nerdy guy who comes in with the 1-2-3 files.

[iheartoothecae.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness. o.O

[heliopsis.livejournal.com]

I find it hard to imagine that this ever evoked the "gee whiz" response they were looking for. And the disrobing bit made me extremely uncomfortable; a cheap attempt to sex up this ghastly production. And then at the end, her fulfillment comes when a man offers her some flowers.

The whole thing makes me itch. How did these people take over the world?

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

Don't forget, this promotional video was aimed at retailers; the very last line reveals that you're supposed to identify with the man who gave her the flowers. Sell Windows 386 and you might score with a nice lady in a business suit who goes completely insane while pasting clip art of space shuttles into lame-ass word processing documents.

[spatch]

Honestly, the acting near the beginning had all the hallmarks of an 1980s office porno. For serious.

[spatch]

I wonder if you had to present the product as "Wuh-Wuh-Wuh-Windows."

[spatch]

I SAVED THE DAY BY CUTTING AND PASTING AIRPLANE CLIPART INTO MY BUSINESS PRESENTATION

[pecosy.livejournal.com]

I may not sleep tonight.

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

The way you can really tell it's a great document is that that space shuttle is on EVERY PAGE.

Just one space shuttle would give the villainous T-Bone Pickett an opening, but she went the extra mile.

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

Actually, what it most reminded me of were (1) "how not to do sexual harassment" training videos, and (2) the late-night infomercials from the mid-1990s for the Philips CD-i, which seemed mostly designed to convince you that a Philips CD-i would make your life hell.

[spatch]

I can just see T-Bone Pickett now shaking his fist in frustration.

CURSE YOU, LINDA!
Minions! Fire up your OS/2 and work on a counter-strike!



(and meanwhile the poor mainframe guy is crying softly into his beer)

[redtheblue.livejournal.com]

Am I the only one that thinks they should have gotten Bruce McCulloch to play Linda? It looks exactly like an extended skit he'd write.

And is that what rap sounded like to ultra-whites in the late 80s? Those poor bastards.

[spatch]

Oh my god, you're right, Linda is one of the Kathies!

I am now in the throes of an extended gigglefit.

[redtheblue.livejournal.com]

She's Kathy K, I think. This promo's resemblance to a KITH skit is uncanny.

[cjfringe.livejournal.com]

I think what disturbs me the most is that she must have changed from 80s rocker back to business attire with the guy still in the room. No wonder he was awed and asked her out to dinner.

Crack monkeys!