Dr. Who and the Tentacles of Hen-Tai

[spatch]

I am SO not going to talk about Evolution of the Daleks because honestly if I could go to New New New New New New New New York and get one of them Forget patches, I'd do so in a heartbeat. Ah, sweet bliss! Goodbye six-foot-three pink fleshy one-eyed monster with poorly-wriggling tentacles, hello reclaimed memory space that could be used for, oh, I don't know, memorizing UPC numbers! This bottle of chocolate milk is 75457 71100. Remember that. I know I am! Next time I think 75457 71100, I'm gonna think delicious chocolate milk!


I mean it. No talk about Dalek Phallus Sek and his mechanical tentacles and fireman's helmet, no talk about the first five minutes and the hilariously awful dialogue, and no talk about how it took the entire episode for things to actually turn rather dark and almost good.

Except for the fact that even though I severely resisted an In The Name Of Love ending for Three Ls One H and her pig of a fiancee (you cad! How dare you talk of him that way!) I really liked how the Doctor threw himself into saving Pigboy after all the talk of genocide. The Last of His Race sparing the life of the Last of Its Race and then saving the Last of That Other Race, because he's got that moral code and all. Now Pigboy and 3L1H will happily live together in a ramshackle shed in a makeshift Central Park village.

I shudder to think what their children will look like, however.

Oh, and I did like the Doctor on the top of the Empire State Building, that was manic and frenetic and all, ONE POINT TWENTY-ONE JIGOWATTS! Though I never knew that solar flares looked like lightning bolts. Did you? Hooray, we learned something today!

At least I know that this two-parter (the first part of which was all right but nothing to write home about, so I didn't) hadn't flown from the furious fingers of Russell T. Davies, as there were actual villains who did actual villain work and didn't just want to stand around cackling all day. But then again, the villains were Daleks, so there was a bit of STAN-DING A-ROUND AND HOL-LER-ING, HOL-LER-ING, HOL-LER-ING!! inherent in the characters to begin with.

Still. I liked the concept of a new race of Daleks, and I'm sure as spittin' glad that they had decided to just use Empty Human Shells in which to pour the Dalekness instead of creating more Pinkthu'hlu critters. We'll forgive the whole DNA-mingling thing because it was kind of fun to watch the Timelordalekmen blast two Oldschool Daleks to Skaro Come.

But. But. BUT!! (enough about me, Simone, let's talk about your big "but".)

I've already ranted about the whole Love-For-Love's-Sake angle they're throwing on Martha and Ten. It makes it seem as if Martha is only around so Ten can work out his post-Rose depression. And it's not so much that Martha seems to have a crush on the Doctor, because that's plausible. Hell, you can't tell me some of the other companions -- especially one or both of the Romanas -- weren't carrying little torches around for the good Doctor. Look at how hard Sarah Jane Smith took it when she was dumped in Not-Croydon: over twenty years and she still missed him! But there was common sense enough to let it remain as subtext and not go further with things.

But what I absolutely hate is the fact that they're obviously trying to push Ten & Martha together and transparently so; all the minor characters come out of the goddamn woodwork to comment on how awesome it would be if the two were together. "Oh, is he not yer boyfriend? Shame, that. You'd make a luvly couple." Look at 3L1H and Martha chattin' away as they pore over the blueprints. "Just think! You could be two doctahs togethah!" 3L1H swoons. Well, they already are. They're just not SUCKING FACE EVERY TIME THEY RUN INTO THE TARDIS.

The message RTD & The Gang are sending us is a patronizing "See, Beloved Audience? SEE?! If O'Toonces, The Irish Cat Who Can Drive A Car can see that they're made for each other, WHY CAN'T YOU?"

No! No!! Stick it! Stick it in your ear! Then wiggle it around and discard it, cause it's now covered in earwax!

I know it seems pretty obvious at this point that there's no way RTD can envision two people travelling around in time having adventures without having them fall in love. But honestly, this show and these characters don't deserve to have a Mulder & Scully dynamic smeared all over them. It's a cheap device. And no, I won't be waiting on tenterhooks for the inevitable kiss-with-meaning that you KNOW will be coming up at some point, which will be presented as THE MOST DRAMATIC AND INCREDIBLE PART OF THIS SERIES HALLELUIA THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Stick! Ear! Wax!
I am tired.

Comments

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

"Hell, you can't tell me some of the other companions -- especially one or both of the Romanas -- weren't carrying little torches around for the good Doctor. But there was common sense enough to let it remain as subtext and not go further with things."

Amen. Another reason I really, really want an ugly old guy as the Eleventh Doctor, to nip this whole thing in the bud. I knew the Fourth Doctor and Romana running around Paris and holding hands could possibly have another meaning attached to it, I didn't need it spelled out for me! It was more fun the other way and, you know, it kept the plot, a.k.a. That Thing RTD Just Can't Do, as the first priority!

"See, Beloved Audience? SEE?! If McToonces, The Scottish Cat Who Can Drive A Car can see that they're made for each other, WHY CAN'T YOU?"

Because we're stupid and just don't understand the power of love, McToonces, that mighty steamroller that can crush underfoot all that comes before it. Including any chance of a coherent storyline.

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

Also, if the Doctor "fathering" a lot of Time Lord hybrid "children" (via the zap of a tall and mighty rod, no less) is meant to open the door for talk of actual Time Babies, I'm not looking forward to the rest of this season.

[spatch]

BITE YOUR TONGUE.

The last thing this world needs is "Russell T. Davies' Time Lord Babies." They make their dreams come true!

If the Doctor really is the Last Of His Kind but our eventual goal is to bring back Gallifrey and the Time Lords, just do something like, uh, muck about with E-Space, or find a way to Another Dimension (not Rose's; Another One Entirely So We Don't Have To See Rose Again) or, hell, use nanobots to recreate 'em all. IT WORKED FOR RED DWARF, IT CAN WORK FOR DOCTOR WHO!

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

"BITE YOUR TONGUE."

I'm just saying. I like to be prepared for impending disasters, so I know when to huddle in the southwest corner of the basement.

"If the Doctor really is the Last Of His Kind but our eventual goal is to bring back Gallifrey and the Time Lords, just do something like, uh, muck about with E-Space, or find a way to Another Dimension (not Rose's; Another One Entirely So We Don't Have To See Rose Again) or, hell, use nanobots to recreate 'em all. IT WORKED FOR RED DWARF, IT CAN WORK FOR DOCTOR WHO!"

Considering how many canonical references we have to E-Space, parallel dimensions and "your timeline and history can change just like *snaps fingers* that," they're making this whole thing too damned hard for themselves. Of course, the very existence of E-Space, parallel dimensions, Time Lords apparently able to choose to live as humans and suchlike makes me think the whole idea of all the Time Lords being zapped dead was bullshit from the get-go, but hey...

[kalibex.livejournal.com]

TIME TOTS!!!

[spatch]

I actually remembered the cat was Irish, so hello O'Toonces!

[spatch]

I knew the Fourth Doctor and Romana running around Paris and holding hands could possibly have another meaning attached to it, I didn't need it spelled out for me!

Of course, what with Lalla Ward and Tom Baker nurturing that ill-fated romance...

But yeah, look at Sarah Jane Smith, twenty years after being dumped in Not-Croydon! She still pined for the Doctor! Even though it was slightly pushed towards "I missed running around in time and space having adventures with you" and not just "I missed you."

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

"But yeah, look at Sarah Jane Smith, twenty years after being dumped in Not-Croydon! She still pined for the Doctor!"

Which, along with the whole Rose thing, kind of shows why they shouldn't put a romantic companion-Doctor relationship front and center ever--given the very nature of the show it's destined to end in disaster of one form or another. Either that, or he'll go and run off with some French broad in the middle of everything.

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

Re: the Doc Browniness: I was hoping SO VERY HARD that just once the Doctor would refer to Martha as 'Marty.' It could so have worked.
But, amen in general. Good writeup.

If you cannot afford to wriggle a tentacle-headed partial Dalek, you should not write a tentacle-headed partial Dalek. Also also, how come Head Dalek didn't want to merge with the Doctor? Also also also, if Dr. fixed PigHead genetically, how come his face wasn't also fixed? Also also also also, WHY PIGS to begin with?

There's a large problem in Martha, which is that she, although a med student or resident or whatever she was, is well-educated and of 'superior intelligence.' However. Next to the doctor she's Zippy the Pinhead, so... why bother? It annoys me that the attempt toward 'oh, no, she's totally a smart lady' is made, only to founder on the shores of Doctor Fixes Everything.

[spatch]

Re: the Doc Browniness: I was hoping SO VERY HARD that just once the Doctor would refer to Martha as 'Marty.' It could so have worked.

Lordy, even a "Great Scott!" would have sufficed.

If you cannot afford to wriggle a tentacle-headed partial Dalek, you should not write a tentacle-headed partial Dalek.

Truth. They moved back and forth, one row back, the other row forth, like cheap Christmas animations. Completely unconnected to any movement, dialogue or reaction on the Head (tee hee) Dalek's part.

It would have been great if the Head Dalek had transferred itself to the Foreman Guy and kept the human form as it was, in the fashion of the other humans they'd kept. It would have been so much better to have just a person, a regular person, speaking Dalek thoughts and rhetoric with emotionless disconcerting eyes or something. His minions -- that gray-vested almost-fascist brigade -- would have also been much more menacing. Plus then you can play WHO'S THE CYLON DALEK MINION? in later episodes!

But for God's sake, was that "Why? Why? We auh not duhleks" minion guy chosen to get all the lines? Was he the only extra with a SAG card (or its equivalent) on the set that day? His delivery was flatter than a postage stamp.

But alas for wasted ideas.

Also also, how come Head Dalek didn't want to merge with the Doctor?

Probably because the Doctor's part of the gestalt entity would've won over. However, with such a disgusting visage, we could be assured that there'd be no more companion love storylines.

Also also also, if Dr. fixed PigHead genetically, how come his face wasn't also fixed?

"He's a doctor, not a plastic surgeon, dammit!"

Also honestly I would've found that even more implausible. "There we go, spit-spot, back to normal! Hooray!" It's a bit more interesting to consider how Lazlo will have to live now with a face like that. And with a face like that, who needs enemies?

Also also also also, WHY PIGS to begin with?

Because there was a sale on masks at the costume shop across from BBC Wales.

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

So true on the 'just a guy' as Dalek Leader. Would have ruled, provided that that guy could pull off the role.

I'm willing to deal on their idea of what 'genetics' can do (e.g. not plastic surgery), but it's just annoying that they handwave only so far. I mean, PigHead could have just had a heart problem or something, and _that_ could have been fixed.

When the first shot came of the HumanoDalek, there was a point in the crane move where I thought he was going to look more like a headcrab, which would have been great also. I wonder who gets these jobs for alien design.

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, and I need to make a new comment for the Hooverville. First of all, dude named Solomon, tearing something in half. Hurr hurr. Except bread STILL HAS VALUE when torn in half. DUH. Not quite the point. Also, the thief was completely rewarded for thieving by Mr. Awesome Leader of the Hooverville. Way to go! You can't fail to get the respect and backing of the poor unemployed people that way.

[spatch]

Except bread STILL HAS VALUE when torn in half. DUH. Not quite the point.

Nuh uh! When you break bread in half all the nutritions run out and fall on the floor!

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

This bread-related article is a stub.

[spatch]

I think my new motto will be Not Necessarily Melon Flavored.

[zhym.livejournal.com]

Someone needs to tatoo RTD's eyeballs with the message: "DOCTOR WHO IS NOT A ROMANCE SHOW."

[joenotcharles.livejournal.com]

Actually, I believe that Martha and the Doctor will NOT end up together, because RTD said in an interview that he wants this season's theme to be unrequited love, and I think Martha finally confessing her love to the Doctor and the Doctor letting her down and everything being tragic is the scene he's painting by numbers as we speak.