THIS SUMMER - RULES WERE MADE - TO BE BROKEN

[spatch]

Golly, but I had very little sleep last night. As I woke up cranky and might as well spend the rest of the day cranky, I shall share some of the crank with you.

Here you go, then: A new trailer for the I, Robot movie. And, as Ronnie B. would say, it stinks on ice.

I take that back -- it's worse than stinks on ice. It stars Will Smith as... uh, Will Smith, sassy detective of the future. It also stars robots that glow red when they're angry and beat up humans, and a horribly oversimplified version of the Three Laws of Robotics ("1. They cannot hurt us. 2. They must do what we say. 3. They must protect themselves.") Seriously, we're talking Asimov for Dummies here. It's a damn shame when one of the most cerebral yet accessible works of science-fiction ends up as Just Another Crummy Hollywood Summer Action Film. It looks as if -- well, it's not gonna look as if, it's going to be this year's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Oh, yeah, Akiva Goldsman contributed to the screenplay. If that don't set off the DOOP DOOP DOOP DOOP DOOP CRAP ALERT CRAP ALERT alarms in your head, I don't know what will. (Sure, he won an Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, so what, he also gave us Batman & Robin. Action films are just not what he should be doing.)

Funny thing is, I wrote a parody trailer for Foundation back in 2000 when I heard someone was trying to adapt Foundation to the big screen. The sad thing is, the I, Robot trailer just about outdid me in parody, and to add insult to injury, it was all done unintentionally. So fuck you, movie.

Comments

[aussie-nyc.livejournal.com]

I read those Laws and cried big baby tears.

[hemlock-martini.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this one's been giving off wavy stink lines for a while now. It's a shame, too. About the closest thing we've had to a thoughtful, cerebral film about the nature of thinking robots is...well...A.I., and nothing more needs to be said about that.

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

Oh, Christ. AI. The only movie that beat out Tomb Raider as my least favorite evar.

[spatch]

I thought Chris Barrie would've been Tomb Raider's saving grace for you, dear.

[dskasak.livejournal.com]

So did you hear that "wub-wub-wub" sound when you saw the trailer?

And if this movie is successful, will we see a sequel that tackles the Zeroth Law ("A robot may not injure humanity or, through inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.")?

[spatch]

The Zeroth Law in that case will be "Bad things can't happen when they're around."

[markm.livejournal.com]

Gah, that's awful. If Asimov were alive today he'd be spinning in his grave.

[pecosy.livejournal.com]

When the robot winked, I wanted to cry.

[signsoflife.livejournal.com]

wait -- smith is BAILEY?

Oh, dear lord.

I caught a bit of Ebert's review of Eternal Sunshine etc. (not that I'm a big Ebert fan in general, but) and he said something like "the amazing thing is that even though it's got this science-fictional premise, it's actually got some truth about relationships in it. . . " And I didn't know whether to hiss or cheer.

[yuda.livejournal.com]

It may just be that I never read the comics (or whatever it was adapted from), but I thought League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was damn good. If I, Robot is as good, it'll be a success for them.

For what it's worth, I haven't bothered to watch the trailer. And I've never been a big fan of Asimov, either.

[roody.livejournal.com]

Just last night I was defending the movie to a friend at the bar. I don't think that it is entirely defendable, but I thought in ways, it succeeded in replicating the feel of an old Harryhausen film (like "Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger") and if they had just gone a bit further down that road, I would probably call the movie great.

[spatch]

The League film is a big, boomy, summer action vehicle. Unfortunately, it could have been a whole lot more, what with an absolutely brilliant comic series behind it. That kinda wasted potential is kinda sad.

[roody.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can't really argue with that. The last couple years, there have been a couple prospects that make me think it's going to be a good year for geek-targeted movies (not that the best ones don't entertain the non-geeks), and the last couple years have been a disappointment.

I fear that I've already given too much benefit of a doubt to "Hellboy," "the Punisher," and "Van Helsing," just because the trailers look much better than I expected them to.

[yuda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, like I said, it's probably because I'm not familiar with the source material. I'll probably feel the same way if the rumours about making Neverwhere into a movie ever pan out. (I'd say the same about Good Omens, but since Gilliam is allegedly directing it, I have higher hopes.)

[maga-dogg.livejournal.com]

Kill me. Preferably not in bullet time.

[mcduff.livejournal.com]

Dear God, it looks like it's going to be so awful I could cry.

[huskyscotsman.livejournal.com]

SALVOR HARDIN: Of all the Seldon Crises we've faced, that was the Seldon Crisiest, baby.

Wow, now I actually kind of want to see that movie. Good work.

I, Robot looks like a steaming pile of mince, though. I guess they based it on that one story that had a robot whose Laws hadn't been calibrated properly. And figured that if it could happen to one robot, it could happen to a 1,000 robots!!!