Dude, that blue guy is in f***ing Vietnam

[spatch]

And in other news, the film adaptation of Watchmen currently in production appears to have, in the director's chair, a hyperactive 15-year-old who has just discovered whoa holy cow man, those graphic novel things, they're, like, serious and stuff:

"The thing about Watchmen is that I'm looking to make a movie that looks more like 'Taxi Driver' than Dick Tracy [laughs]. People bring that up to me 'Is it like 'Dick Tracy?'' because that's colorful. Watchmen as a printed medium references comic books itself. It goes 'Look, I'm a comic book' and you read it, you're like 'You're f***ing blowing my mind!' But that's what it tries to do, it draws you in by being a comic book. I think my responsibility is to draw the audience in by saying 'Look I'm just a movie' and then you get in there and it f***s you up. That's my hope anyway. It is a weird movie. When you see the trailer and you go 'Okay that looks like Richard Nixon. Dude that blue guy is in f***ing Vietnam, what is this?' There's a song you can not put in a Vietnam war movie and it's 'Ride Of the Valkyries' which should not be put it in any movie because of 'Apocalypse Now.' But in 'Watchmen,' you can imagine a sequence in 'Watchmen' where Dr. Manhattan is 100 feet tall stomping through the jungles of Vietnam with Hueys all over him, zapping the Vietcong while 'Ride of the Valkyries' is playing. It is transcendent of itself so you can reference 'Apocalypse Now' and that's okay. It is pop culture."

Ok, so you can't put Ride of the Valkryies in a Vietnam movie because it's connected to Apocalypse Now, but if you put Ride of the Valkryies in a movie with a Vietnam scene that's cool cause you're dropping a mad crazy Apocalypse Now ref that is just soooooooooooooooooooooo clever, you have to hug yourself?

Suuuuure. And maybe you can have Dr. Manhattan say something like "Had I retained my emotional core and olfactory sense, I would be able to remark at this point that I enjoy the smell of napalm at this particular time of day, for it resembles the scent exuded by victory."

This director's attitude does not make me feel confident at all about this project. He goes "Look, I'm an actual movie director!" and I'm like "You're f***ing kidding me!" And IMDB tells me this is the guy behind "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA 300". Oh, boy.

Yeah, I have absolutely zero confidence in this project now. This is going to be Yet Another Alan Moore Project Turned To Shit On The Silver Screen. Listen, when even Terry Gilliam decides he can't turn a particular story into a film and still do it justice, maybe it's time to just stop trying.

Comments

[mikester.livejournal.com]

I was wondering what would finally kill Watchmen's perennial trade paperback sales.

Now I know.

[jotasbrane.livejournal.com]

I dunno. It was the LXG movie that actually got me to start reading League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

(Not that I actually watched the movie or anything, mind you: I just read lots of people commenting on how badly it ruined a great comic book, and figured the books were probably worth a try.)

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

I was thoroughly impressed that the Wachowskis managed to do as well as they did with V for Vendetta, and I could have conceived of Watchmen as a 12-part HBO miniseries, but not this. This sounds LXG bad, complete with a McDonald's cup.

[spatch]

and I could have conceived of Watchmen as a 12-part HBO miniseries

I think that was Gilliam's take on it, too -- that Watchmen could only work as a miniseries and not as any kind of feature film under 3 hours in length. It's such a dense piece.

I mean, okay, I could live without the Tales of the Black Freighter parallel, but I'm hearing reports that even most of the Minutemen backstory is getting the axe in this one.

Yeah, it's gonna be LXG bad. Oh yeah. Hurt heap bad. Spatch fearful. Weep for universe. PRAY FOR MOJO.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

You'd have to cut the news stand out completely, or trim it to a one minute "Hey, I knew that guy" "Shut up old man, let me read my comic book" OMGSPACEALIENSARRRGH, lose a ton of the Rorschach subtlety, and leave out the Dr. Manhattan paradox, because that's just too confusing. It's still cost $200 million to make, and might take in half that at the box office if they're extremely lucky and well-marketed. (Less overseas, unless there's a name attached).

[spatch]

Rorshach goes "Look, I'm just a vigilante" and you're like "You're f***ing blowing my mind! This dude is meaner than the criminals! What's up with that?"

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

...are you advocating that Mojo produce this movie? DELICIOUS.

Also: Goddamn. One of the problems with this sort of thing is that the IP is all tied up, so even if it sucks like fire, it's not too likely to be set right anytime soon. Sigh.

[spatch]

...are you advocating that Mojo produce this movie? DELICIOUS.

...yes, yes, I am! The Minutebabies would be vastly more entertaining than this fellow's "Dude, Where's My Alien Transporter?" dreck.

[cjfringe.livejournal.com]

Do I smell an MST11 episode?

[catrambo.livejournal.com]

I'm frightened. Hold me.

[androidqueen.livejournal.com]

i think i'm more concerned because he's so inarticulate.

[signsoflife.livejournal.com]

But isn't Ride of the Valkyries when the mechanic the original Nite Owl's dad worked for found out about his wife and his buddy?

[signsoflife.livejournal.com]

And I do, totally, breathlessly, want to see Gilliam's HBO miniseries adaptation.

[giantfightbot.livejournal.com]

There is no Watchmen movie. Just like there was no Highlander 2 or any Star Trek film past Star Trek IV.

[toonhead-npl.livejournal.com]

Gotta go with the GFB. When something gets loused up, be it a movie series or a comic book series, the crappy ones have no effect on my enjoyment of the earlier, better stuff and they don't even exist.

Still wish Lucas would go and do Star Wars 1-3 though. Should be awesome.

[spatch]

When something gets loused up, be it a movie series or a comic book series, the crappy ones have no effect on my enjoyment of the earlier, better stuff

I agree with you there. The crummy adaptations don't tarnish how much I enjoy the originals, but it's just a constant source of chagrin to first think "Hey, they're making a film version of something I really like! Hope it'll be neat, and make more folks want to check out the original" and then realize "Wow, this film version stinks on ice, now nobody's gonna want to try the original."

Sequels and prequels are a different thing, but along similar lines. You expect the goodness that made you enjoy the first, but more often than not you don't get that.

That said, I sure would love to know what happened to Neo and the gang after he saves Morpheus at the end of The Matrix and flies off into the sky.

[fancycwabs.livejournal.com]

That said, I sure would love to know what happened to Neo and the gang after he saves Morpheus at the end of The Matrix and flies off into the sky.

If it doesn't involve shooting up the prototype models of a Caddilac CTS and Escalade, and those prototypes are instead used for production line design, it might ensure the future of the East Lansing GM plant.

[ilovehpl.livejournal.com]

Wow, that whole "Ride of the Valkyries" thing is making me think of Forrest Gump where they shoehorned in the "Midnight Cowboy" music cause there were two down and out guys walking in New York, which was not transcendent of itself nor was it okay. This guy is f***ing blowing my mind!

[spatch]

And check this out! There was this part in Baby Geniuses where the lead baby dressed up and he put on a little white leisure suit and disco danced around to "Stayin' Alive!" This was clearly transcendent!



No, wait, it was COMPLETELY HORRIBLE

[mdm-sosostris.livejournal.com]

Oy.

I'm thinking this directorling might wanna ditch Watchmen and pick up The Boys. All the angst, none of the depth. Moore's clearly out of his ken, but Ennis might be just his speed. Plus lots of boobs. NC-rating = big opening weekend, plus no need to destroy a classic. Everybody wins.

[tcb.livejournal.com]

The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save Us!"...

[spatch]

Yeah, actually we're casting Will Smith as Rorschach, so his journal voiceovers will be changed slightly.

The accumulated filth will foam up, you know, rise up all desperate-like and shit, and they'll all look up to me and shout "Save us!" ... and I'll look down and say "Aw hell naw."

[mcsnee.livejournal.com]

It's even better if you imagine it being spoken by Christopher Guest as Nigel Tufnel.

[spatch]

"It's like, how much more blue could this dude be? And the answer is none. None more blue."

[cjfringe.livejournal.com]

ROTFLMAO

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

I might be alone in thinking this, but the fact that this interview originally appeared on the Suicide Girls website is the first warning sign.

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

i was surprised it wasn't from the onion.

[redtheblue.livejournal.com]

The only hope left is a studio disaster prior to early shooting this summer. The fact that the project was given to this guy shows that comprehension of the source material is not a factor in this production.

[ironpoet.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Whatever your opinion of the movie, my understanding is that he made a reasonably faithful translation of 300. What kills "Comic Book Movies" is when the director doesn't care about the comic itself, and is only in it to make some money. But everything I've read about Zack Snyder implies that he cares deeply about graphic novels, and wants to see them faithfully rendered on the big screen. I mean, he bought the rights to 300 from Frank Miller using his own money, so he's clearly got the passion for these projects.

It doesn't mean it will be a great movie, but I think he's a far better choice for director than most people in Hollywood.

[spatch]

I have yet to see 300 but I'm definitely getting an interesting vibe off the picture.

I do appreciate that Zack Snyder realizes that this project can't -- and won't -- be a Comic Book Movie. It is a very important distinction to make and critical in the film's development. But there was just something about his remarks that rubbed me the wrong way, and I think androidqueen notes it perfectly. He's inarticulate. I'm not sure how much I can trust him when he uses big, important-sounding phrases such as "transcendent of itself" after engaging in that "You're All 'Dude!' and I'm Like 'Sweet!'" nonsense first.

Perhaps that's just semantics, but then again, appearance and presentation is everything. I wonder how 2001 would have been received if Stanley Kubrick had gone around on the press circuit saying things like "And then there's this part in space where you go to Jupiter, and you're like 'This is f***ing blowing my mind! There's that black stone thing again! Dude, that guy turned into a f***ing space baby! What's up with that?"

I mean, it's one thing for the audience to say it, especially if they're watching under, er, Optimum Late 60s Conditions, but for the director to do so? Doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Perhaps further reading is required. I do admit I'll have to give Snyder some benefit of the doubt if he's got enough respect for the source material, and maybe he does (the rights to 300 anecdote seems to be a good example) but the quote above certainly doesn't help reinforce that.

As far as any Watchmen project goes, however, I know any attempt is going to have its fans and its detractors, no matter how good or awful it is, no matter what it includes or omits. Just hope there's more good than awful.

[jimmystagger.livejournal.com]

I never had hope for this anyway. It's way too intelligent. When Hollywood wrecked "Judge Dredd" by making it a shoot-'em-up with no emotional background to it that just made me intensely skeptical about any comic book film.

[mykwud.livejournal.com]

> This is going to be Yet Another Alan Moore Project Turned To Shit On The Silver Screen.

The FINAL one, I hope.

I mean, of course there'll be more. But I've heard that Zak Snyder's adaptation of "Smax" is gonna be retooled into a new generation's Max Headroom origin story. So, THAT one will be at least be solid gold shit.