(no subject)

[spatch]

Oh look! 7 new messages have appeared in my inbox. Must be a busy weekend. Whatever could folks possibly want to talk to me about? Wonder what exciting adventures awai-- oh. They're all fake people trying to be my fake MySpace friend so I can log onto MySpace and watch "them" pitch whatever lame-ass softcore webwhore website they're pitching this time around. Well, let's check LJ. Hmm, a few comments apparently. Oh, and they're all anonymous porno spam.

When I get home I fully expect the cat to have turned into an ad for poorly-spelled prescription-only pharmaceuticals.

Comments

[tyopsqueene.livejournal.com]

DEAREST HEART

I ERNESTLY PLEAD WITH YOU TO LISTEN WITH UTMOST ATTENTION AND GOOD FAITH.
AS THE WIDOW OF EXILED AMERICAN BILLIONAIRE BILL GATES I AM IN EXCELLENT NEED OF A FAITHFUL AND HONEST PARTNER FOR THE PURPOSES OF EXTRACTING HIS BEQUESTS FROM THE DICTATORIAL REGIME POLICE OF GW BUSH.
I WOULD LIKE TO DEPOSIT 60 BILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS IN YOUR ACCOUNT, AND YOUR ESTEEMED PERSONAGE WOULD GET TO KEEP 17% THAT IS LOTS OF DOLLARS I CAN'T WORK IT OUT FIRING UP THE CALCULATOR ISN'T WORTH IT FOR A CHEAP DIG AT YOUR TECHNICAL PROBLEMS.
PLEASE POST YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS IMMEDIATELY

YOURS WITH MOST AND EXCELLENT SYMPATHY

BOLOGNA T. JESSOP

[muffyjo]

Here's the one I got in email:

THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE, PLEASE DON'T CHEAT!
In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it. They are:

A. Apple
B. Banana
C. Strawberry
D. Peach
E. Orange

Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you!

Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN
.
.
.
.

[there's a lot of scrolling bits here].
.
.
If you have chosen:


A. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
B. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
D. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
E. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges

I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff.
It has pictures, I can forward it...

hi derspatchel

[tully-monster.livejournal.com]

i saw your website and would like to meet you.

i am 18 year old asian girl, and am double-jointed.

you can visit me on line at www.tubgirl.com

[ron_newman]

Buddy Cianci must not have liked your commercial...

[pecosy.livejournal.com]

Damn, I'm not even cool enough to get spam comments. Rejected by friends and porn-peddlers alike.

[abbetaka.livejournal.com]

Earlier this week I had a dream, where I was at your place of work. You were away from your desk but had left your phone logged in. So it rang and I kinda panicked and answered it, and kept trying to stall the person on the other end of line, since I didn't know how to login to your computer system to see WTF anything meant.. didn't know how to do your job, etc. Eventually some sort of supervisory person came and gently escorted me from the floor and I left. (I don't think you got in trouble for it, but I don't really know.)

That's an excellent story, Abbe! Well written, also. Anyway it's true. It was Weird>. Now you know.