I am punching this paragraph in the face

[spatch]

From the Department of Bad Copy:

Doesn't it feel good when you get a lot done. Well that's why you'll love the automated Action Line from Time Warner Cable. One call to 247-5060, lets you take action on so many things.

I think I can taste metal.

Comments

[bostonista.livejournal.com]

At least they didn't say "let's."

[redtheblue.livejournal.com]

This is a lot of shit, you know that. You want one more? One more on the "automated"?

[ubiquity75.livejournal.com]

Don't you love questions without question marks.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

Smells like MySpace...

[lno.livejournal.com]

Those are the kind of people that should be round up and put into camps.

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

As an undergraduate, I worked for a campus magazine, and became the proofreader because I was the only person there with even a vague understanding of how punctuation worked. I learned rapidly that most college students do not have any idea whether the comma goes before or after the word "and" joining two clauses. I also learned that many people do not think you have to run photo captions past the proofreader. These people must die.

(This also gave me the strange honor of having copyedited some of Patton Oswalt's early work.)

The copy in the school newspaper and the yearbook was even more illiterate than that. One day, when I was doing some research in the library, I stumbled across a shelf of old yearbooks from the 1930s and 1940s, and was shocked at how well-written they all were. I suppose it's not necessarily a simple Kids Are Going To Hell story: I knew perfectly well that most of my friends could compose a coherent English sentence. It's just that none of them were in the cliques that produced the campus publications, except for me.

[invisibelle.livejournal.com]

I'm a proofreader for advertising copywriters... I want to rampage on a regular basis because fucking professional writers can't punctuate or for fuck's sake, even conjugate verbs in the English language.

They're getting paid more than me, and they can't even manage subject-verb agreement.

I want to break things.

[abbetaka.livejournal.com]

That is utterly heinous.

What the hell is an automated Action Line. <-- purposeful use of wrong punctuation

Keith in Minnesota

[(Anonymous)]

Now, there's a beauty of a paragraph. I love the poetry of it? And, when you, read it out loud it sounds like the best of Robert Frost and, thats why you love it so.

Arrgh!

[amandaruth2001.livejournal.com]

WHERE ARE THE EDITORS?

Seriously, who is letting this stuff go to print? It's happening everywhere.